One Plus One
by Stephaniiie
Summary: AU/AH. OOC. Bella's life becomes all kinds of interesting when she wakes one morning to discover that she and her friends have drunkenly won a date on ebay. A date with the womanising, flirty and – above all – married colleague she despises.
1. Happy Friday

**Disclaimer – If I owned Twilight I'd be out there on that little island sunbathing with Rob and Kristen. Not in my back garden sunbathing with my dog. But if you are still unsure of whether or not I own Twilight, the answer is (shockingly) no. Nor am I making any profit from this little story.**

**Full Summary – **AU/AH Bella's life becomes all kinds of interesting when she wakes one morning to discover that she and her friends have drunkenly won a date on ebay. But not just any date; a date with the womanising, flirty and – above all – married colleague she despises. However, Bella's about to find out that appearances can be deceiving… And yes, folks, it's gonna be OOC :)

_Trouble started when you told me that I looked real nice_

_Trouble started when you started breaking rules_

_But I'm a very smart girl I won't get burned twice_

_No I don't enjoy being anybody's fool_

_**-Nothin' But Air, Larkin Poe**__**(Really good little country band; check them out if you like that kinda thing :))**_

**One Plus One**

**Chapter 1 – Happy Friday**

**Bella POV**

"Hey sweet ass."

I would recognise that voice anywhere. That combination of rough and smooth, naughty and nice, slugs and snails and puppy dogs tails. I sigh and unwillingly lift my gaze from the computer to the reddy-brown well-defined eyebrows of Dr Edward Cullen. Only because I can't afford to look into his actual eyes if I want to be able to concentrate on my work for the rest of the day. Which I do.

He winks at me, and I automatically look at his eyes. His beautiful deep green eyes. My concentration whoops in delight as it clocks out for the day. Damn it. I clear my throat. "My name is Miss Swan, or Bella, _not_ sweet ass, and what do you want?" I ask, clipping my tone to show him my irritation.

He smirks, amused at my hostility. "I was told to come here to sign for something, _Bella_."

Oh yeah. "Oh. Yes. Um. I'll just grab that." My hands drift over my junk pile, my unimportant pile and my in-the-middle pile and I start searching through the important pile for the form in question.

"Are you a creative person, _Bella_?" Edw- I mean, Dr Cullen asks, that annoying amusement still in his tone.

"Why?" I ask without looking up. I congratulate myself internally about how annoyed with him I sound.

"I studied psychology. It's common for creativity and… uh… _disorganisation_ to go together," he teases. "It's called anal expulsive." He pauses and then adds as an afterthought, "_Bella_."

I roll my eyes and mutter to myself, "Men. They'll come up with any excuse just to say the word anal." Not quietly enough apparently, because Dr Cullen laughs his loud and obnoxious laugh.

"Not why I asked but I'll ask more often now." He winks at me again as I turn back to him, clipping the form – which I have finally found amongst my many other things – to a clipboard and passing it to him.

"Thanks. Pen?"

"Sure." I look around for a pen, pushing paper and various bits and secretary-ish pieces aside in my search.

Edward chuckles under his breath but remains wisely silent.

I search for a good few minutes until I remember that I stuck my pen on top of my ear and reach up and retrieve it, handing it to him.

He sniffs the pen and raises an eyebrow. "Strawberry shampoo, _Bella_?"

I roll my eyes and don't respond because that has to simply be an accurate guess. You can't possibly smell the type of shampoo someone uses on a pen from the top of their ear. Can you? No.

He rests the clipboard on the desk and finally his expression becomes sombre. I watch as his eyes skim the form, his brows furrowing above them. He lifts the first sheet, scans the second and then signs where he's supposed to. He passes it back over the desk, and that annoying smirk is back on those totally kissable lips. He hasn't always been this irritatingly happy, in case you're wondering. He's always been cocky and flirty and annoying, but not always this happy. No, that started a few weeks back and has become more and more annoying with every day that passes. "Thank you, _Bella_," he says. That is beginning to get very, very annoying, despite how much the butterflies in my stomach like the way he says my name. He glances over my work station one last time and adds, "I'll leave you to tidy up. Not very professional for a receptionist to be so anal expulsive."

I open my mouth to respond and inform him that calling a receptionist 'sweet ass' is hardly the epitome of professionalism, but he beats me to it.

"Yes, that time I did just want to say anal." He winks and grins. "Ciao, Bella."

I glare at his retreating back until it disappears behind a swinging door. Then, because I can't help it, I reach for my pen and surreptitiously sniff it. Hmm. It does smell like strawberries. I shrug and put it back behind my ear. As I turn back to the screen of my computer, I catch sight of a face in the window of the door Edward just went through. His green eyes dance with laughter as he pulls a face that clearly says 'I told you so' and then waves merrily.

I glance around to check that there are no small children around and then stick my middle finger up at him. But he's already gone.

God, I do so despise Dr Edward Cullen.

**#x#**

When I check my phone on my lunch break, I have six missed calls. One from Rosalie, five from Alice. I also have one voicemail.

"Bella, it's me, Rose," says Rose. "Uh… just calling to see what time you want us to come round? Oh, and Alice said that you said we had to bring something but I'm not sure what kind of stuff you wanted. Booze, I guess? Just text me la… actually, don't worry, I'll call Ally. Catch you later!" And then she hangs up.

What? I feel my lips draw together to make a thin line. Alice. I dial her back and she answers instantly.

"Hey Bella!" she chirps.

"What have you said about a party?" I growl.

She lets out a resigned sigh. "Look, I know you said no party-"

"I _demanded _no party, actually."

"Whatever. I changed your mind. It was meant to be a surprise, but Rosalie sort of ruined that a little bit but never mind it'll be cool. I thought just us three and then you could invite that Angela girl from your work that you always say is really nice and we can just sit at your house and drink and eat and chat and listen to music and stuff. It'll be-"

"No, Alice!" I exclaim. "I said no damn party!"

"But Bella," she whinges, "that's not even a party. It's a small get together. It's just me and Rose coming round. It's just a Friday night, really. We won't even leave the house."

"You know I don't like to make a big deal of my birthday."

"I know, I know, but we do. Besides, when else are we supposed to give you your presents?"

"Hmm, I also distinctly remember saying no presents as well."

"Oh, Bella, everyone says that and no one listens. Look, we'll compromise. Me and Rose will come round at seven thirty with take out and lots of bubbly and we'll be gone by eleven. Deal?"

I contemplate it for a moment and then give in. "Fine," I say, even though we both know that they won't be gone by eleven if we all get drunk. Eleven the next morning, maybe. Actually not even then. It's a good thing it's Friday.

Alice squeals and I hold the phone away from my ear. "Yay! Thank you thank you thank you! It'll be great, I promise! We'll have fun!"

"Sure," I say begrudgingly. "Fun."

"Don't be so sour. It will be. I'll see you later, okay? Don't pretend to be asleep either; remember I have your spare spare key for when you lose your spare."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Okay, I'll let you go. See you later!" Her voice rises in intonation before she rings off.

I glance at the screen, muttering "Bye" as I chuck it back in my bag.

Someone nearby laughs and I look up and meet a pair of blue eyes. "Should I be wishing you many happy returns?" the deep voice of Emmett McCarty asks.

"No. Definitely not," I reply, but there's a small smile on my lips.

"Well, happy birthday. How old is it? Sixty-three again?" He nudges me with his elbow.

I roll my eyes but the small smile stretches across half of my face now. "Naughty. Come on, let's grab a bite."

"Or several," he adds, following me out of the staff room.

We stop by the scan-in machine to clock out. I scan my card through, clocking out and then stand aside to wait for him. As I wait, someone hits my ass. I whip around and, once again, meet the sparkling eyes of Dr Cullen. I glare at him properly this time.

He pays me no attention. "You getting lunch?" he asks Emmett.

"Yeah, me and Baby Bell here are going to Chuck E Cheese for her birthday."

This is news to me, but I feel my face heat as I turn my stink eye on Emmett now.

Edward looks at me, one eyebrow raised. "Ah, cool, can I join you?"

"Sure," says Em. Then he pauses and finally notices my glare. "If it's okay with Bella."

Of course it's not okay with me, and Emmett knows that. He knows how much Edward and I hate each other, how much he gets on my nerves and probably vice versa. But I can't very well say no now, can I? I shrug.

Edward is well aware that my shrug is really a no, but he grins that stupid grin and says, "Great. I'll just ditch these scrubs and grab my stuff from the staff room, okay?" And he runs off.

"Thanks a bunch," I say to Emmett when he's gone, my voice thick with sarcasm.

"You're welcome," he replies happily. "Couldn't have Edward missing your sixty-third, could we now?"

"I guess not," I say through my teeth. I probably look like I'm sucking a lemon.

Emmett laughs at me and calls me a moody bitch.

I don't respond.

Edward rejoins us a few minutes later, still grinning. He looks between us; I still look like I'm sucking a lemon, Emmett's still laughing at me. "Shall we?" he says after clocking out.

Five minutes later we're sat in Emmett's favourite haunt right across the street. There's a kids birthday party at the long table in the centre of the room and some of them are damn loud. Emmett pours over the menu even though we all know what he's gonna get; the same as he does every time, a large meat combo pizza with extra beef and pepperoni and a Pepsi. I don't even glance at the menu, knowing that I'll get the ham and cheese Ciabatta and an iced tea. Edward taps his fingers against the table and skim-reads the back of Emmett's menu.

When the waitress comes, she takes Emmett's order first – which is just what I predicted – and then mine and then turns to Edward. Instantly she's much more animated, her smile that much bigger. She tugs her top down and her oversized breasts become even more obvious than they already were. Edward doesn't seem to mind, winking at her before placing his order.

"I'll have a Pepsi as well, please, and two – no make that three lots of cinnamon sticks from the dessert menu."

We all look at him.

"There's another side to the menu, you know," I tell him like he's a petulant child.

"I know," he says simply.

The girl nods quickly, writing it down on her little pad. "Sure, no problem, sir. Is that everything for you?"

We all mumble yeses and hand her the menus. She smiles once more at Edward and walks off, making sure that her ass sways just right as she departs.

"Disgusting," I mutter.

"Jealous?" Edward asks cockily, winking at me once more.

"No."

"Sure, _Bella_." He winks again.

"Will you stop that?" I cry.

"What?"

"The damn winking thing! It's not funny, it's not clever, it's not… cool."

Edward looks over and catches Emmett's eye and they both laugh at me.

I shake my head and sigh at their antics.

During the time it takes for the food to come, Emmett and Edward amuse themselves colouring on the kids menu with crayons. I pretend to be checking my BlackBerry but I'm really watching them over the top. I know Emmett quite well; he took me under his wing the day I started at Washington General nearly three years ago and we've been good friends ever since, so I know him well enough to know that he'll drag me to Chuck E Cheese as often as I'll let him and to know that he draws on the kids menu every time and still gets the same enjoyment out of it as he probably did when he _was_ a kid.

But it's a surprise to see that Edward's just as much of a big kid as Emmett. He only started at the hospital about a year ago so I don't know him all that well, but he's always seemed so… so charming. In his own way, of course. Too much so, maybe.

I remember the day he first started working at the hospital; every single female in the vicinity had seen him and was swooning over him. But nosey nurse Jessica Stanley quickly rooted around in his personal files and spread the gutting news that Dr Edward Cullen was, in fact, married. So I had sworn not to like him before I had even seen him. And then I saw him. And, yep, I liked him. I liked him a lot. The butterflies in my stomach liked him even more. My heart liked him even more than that.

But then he spoke and he was so arrogant that it was almost easy not to like him. But he still sent the butterflies whirling and my heart racing and, from then on, I had to keep a good supply of clean underwear nearby.

I didn't hate Edward Cullen because of that though. No, I wasn't immature enough to hate someone because I wanted them and couldn't have them. I hated him from the moment I caught him making out with none other than Jess Stanley in a cupboard. What kind of sleazy, nasty bastard does that? He was _married_, for crying out loud.

From the moment his eyes locked with mine in that cupboard, he stopped being just a colleague and became the man I loathed. To me, a girl who was cheated on by not just one partner, but two, he was nothing but scum. Disgusting, cheating scum.

We haven't spoken about that moment since, but I certainly haven't forgotten it and I doubt he has either.

Our food comes then and Emmett's eyes like up like a child at Christmas. Edward catches my eye and we both look away smiling. The waitress plonks my food down in front of me and delicately places Edward's cinnamon sticks before him. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"

"Uh, yeah, can I have some mayonnaise please?"

The waitress blinks, but says, "Sure," and rushes off to get the mayonnaise.

I raise an eyebrow. "Mayonnaise?"

He shrugs. "Sure."

"What. The hell?"

He laughs and then says slowly, "Yeah. A… a friend of mine made it up. It's pretty damn good."

After the waitress returns with the sauce, clucks around Edward for a bit and finally disappears, I watch as he dips a cinnamon stick into the mayonnaise and then in his mouth.

I hesitate, and then ask, "Can I try?"

Edward looks up, surprised, but then nods. "Only because it's your birthday and I didn't get you a present."

"I didn't want any presents anyway," I say, but take the plate as he pushes it toward me. I break a cinnamon stick in half, dipping it in the mayonnaise before sliding it between my lips. To my intense surprise, it is really, really good. So good that I moan. It was just that good. And, okay, maybe I couldn't help messing with Edward a little. "Yeah. That's pretty good," I say as I push it back.

Edward's eyes are a little wider than usual and he pauses slightly before smirking at me and taking his plate back. He shrugs. "What can I say? I'm a genius."

"Isn't your friend the genius?"

His smirk gets bigger. "Touché." The strangest thing is that, though he's smirking, his eyes are expressing something else that I can't quite pinpoint.

Suddenly I feel I'm being watched. I look over at Emmett and see him watching us, which is odd because he's usually stuffing his face right about now.

"What?" I ask.

He shakes his head and turns to his food. "Nothing, nothing."

Silence falls briefly around our table (not the whole restaurant, obviously; not with those damn shrieking kids in the middle) as we all dig in, but that silence is broken by a phone ringing a few moments later. Edward's eyes light up and his hand dives into his pocket, tugging an iPhone out and answering it with surprising fondness, "Hiya." Then he frowns slightly. "Oh. Right. Okay, what's up?" He pauses and his frown becomes more defined; almost a pout. "Hey, you can't… no, that's not…" Suddenly his frown turns angry. "That's not fair, Tanya! I…" He glances at us and sighs. "Hold on." Then he stands up, mutters, "Excuse me" and marches outside.

I raise my eyebrows, mildly amused by his outburst. "Ooh, lover's tiff," I say teasingly to Emmett, though one of my fists is clenched under the table. At this moment in time, I'm not sure whether it's from jealousy at the obvious love in Edward's eyes or, once again, hatred because I know what he's really like. Probably hatred. It's usually hatred. Yeah.

Emmett, though, seems slightly disheartened. "Yeah," he mumbles. "Or something."

When Edward rejoins us ten minutes later, he isn't smiling anymore. He isn't even smirking. For the small amount of the lunch hour remaining, he sits and fumes silently. Emmett jokes around with both of us, but it's half-hearted. When we leave Chuck E. Cheese, Edward's plate is practically untouched, and I feel slightly down. Edward _is_ very miserable. Maybe I judged him wrongly.

No. I didn't. Cheating is cheating, no matter what.

I sigh internally as we cross the road and head back to the hospital.

Happy birthday to me.

**#x#**

I only see Edward once more that day, and he looks rough. He appears at my station, requesting details for a patient of his and he doesn't smirk or wink once. He runs his fingers through his hair agitatedly and doesn't crack any sarcastic jokes about my disorganisation, or say ass or anal. I think it's a new record for him.

He reads over the sheets, copies some stuff down onto a clipboard he's already carrying and then passes it back over to me with a genuine polite smile. I think I am going to pass out from shock. Then he turns and walks away. But he stops. And turns back. "Oh, I forgot to say earlier. Happy birthday. Have a good evening." And he goes again.

I manage to get myself together in time to say, "Thanks. Uh… happy Friday," before he leaves.

He pauses by the door, looks over his shoulder at me and smiles and shakes his head before properly leaving. It's not until he's gone that I realise what I said. I bash my head against the desk. "Happy Friday," I mutter to myself. "What an idiot."

**#x#**

When I get in, I observe the mess that is my apartment, internally debate about cleaning and/or tidying before Rose and Alice come round and then decide against it; they know I'm messy, no reason to clear up especially for them.

So I slob on the sofa and watch crap TV for a while. When it gets to seven in the evening, I reconsider my earlier decision and spend the next twenty minutes dashing around my apartment like a headless chicken desperately trying to tidy all my shit away and failing kind of miserably. When the doorbell rings, I throw everything into a drawer and make a mental note to return to it later and sort it out. Even though I know I never will.

Alice opens the door before I can get to it. "Bella!" she exclaims in excitement, a smile all over her small, defined features as she dances in, Rose hot on her heels. I'm unsurprised to see that both of them are in dresses, albeit casual ones, and I'm even less surprised when Alice gives my jeans and top combo a look of disdain.

Alice goes straight to the stereo system and plugs in her iPod, scrolling through it to find some suitable – or, more likely, unsuitable – music while Rose moves across the living room and goes around my breakfast bar to get into my tiny kitchen. She puts all of the bags she's brought with her on the breakfast bar, pulls a compact mirror out of her handbag, tosses her long golden hair over her shoulder, checks her reflection – perfect, as usual – and then comes over to me and gives me a hug. "Happy birthday, Bella!"

"Thanks," I mutter, feeling my cheeks heat.

"Forty-nine again, huh?" She winks, reminding me of Edward. And not in a good way.

I roll my eyes and push Edward to the back of my mind. "You so need to meet Emmett."

Rosalie rolls hers back. "If you threw a normal party like a normal person, then maybe I would be meeting him now, but no."

"People usually stop using a party as an excuse to get drunk and have sex by their twenty-second, not their twenty-fifth."

"Speak for yourself," Rose responds as the introduction to a song I vaguely recognise begins to play on the speakers.

Alice comes over and does the old hug-and-happy-birthday routine as well and then reaches into a bag and brings out a bottle of champagne and a corkscrew.

I shake my head but retrieve three glasses from the cupboard all the same.

A few hours later we're all suitably drunk. We're lounging on my sofa and my entire apartment is disgracefully messy again. The takeaway packages lie all over the place; we've lost the glasses and have progressed to drinking from the bottle and passing it along the line. Rose has also broken a nail and Alice swears she lost an entire slice of naan down the back of my sofa but that's okay. In fact, it's more than okay, it's freaking hilarious.

We're in the midst of laughing about the lost naan when I decide to blurt out, "I wents to Chuck E Cheese today with… um… whassit… ah! Edward. Tha's the one." I nod, satisfied with my slur.

Rose, who is taking a swig from the bottle, leans forward, pressing her hand against Alice's shoulder and howling with laughter. Champagne dribbles from between her lips as she laughs. "Chuck E Cheese?" she splutters eventually.

Alice, however, isn't so past her capacity for absorbing details. "With Edward? Ishn't that that… that… that… um… the married one?"

"Yup."

"Who you hate?"

"Yup." I grin, and giggle.

"And you let him take you to Chuck E Cheese."

"No, no, _no_! Me and Emmett went to Chuck E Cheese and then Edward was like 'oh I'm coming, too' and he did and he ate cinnamon and mayonnaise. Thanks," I say as Rose passes me the bottle. I put it to my lips and take a big drink.

Alice laughs. "Mayonnaise?"

"Mmm," I say, wiping my mouth and passing her the bottle. "It was quite good. What?"

Rose is eyeing me suspiciously. She points her index finger in my face. "You like thish guy, Belly-Bella."

"I do not. He's a skankard." I giggle. "A skankard. I mean a bastard. A skanky one."

"You do so. You always talk about him and you say you hate him but you are _so_ hot for him."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Not!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

I sigh. "Maybe just a teeny tiny wee iddy bitty bit." I show her the tiniest gap between my thumb and forefinger. "But only because he's smokin'."

"So just have sex with him. Don't get emotionally involved. It's not hard," Rose says.

Alice snickers. "It should be."

Rose and Alice laugh until they cry.

"Oh har har," I say. "He's married. _Married_. I'm not doing that."

"Married, schmarried. _You_, my dear, need to get some," says Alice.

"_Desperately_," adds Rose.

Suddenly, Alice snaps her fingers. "Get your laptop."

"No, no, no. I will _not_ let you sign me up for a dating site again. Remember Laurent? Remember? His blood sucking fetish? No, Alice. No."

She reluctantly pulls a face; none of us like to be reminded of how that particular date turned out. But then she shakes her head. "No, nothing like that. I've got a better idea."

I shake my head and get up. On my way back from the bedroom, my laptop under my arm, I grab the bottle of vodka off the side and three shot glasses.

The last thing I remember is throwing a shot down my throat in synch with the girls, and then Alice firing up my laptop.

And then, when I wake the next morning and see the computer screen, that's when everything in my life starts to go a little bit wrong.

**#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#**

**IMPORTANT: This is quite likely to go up to an M rating in the future but don't worry because if there's anything minors shouldn't be reading I'll be sure to give you a warning and let you know what bits to miss :)**

***For those of you who despise long A/Ns please feel free to stop reading here… but I would love to hear what you thought of the story? Thank you ;)**

**So… um… hi. I've been absent a little while and am finding it very hard to continue with stories I've already started but these plot bunnies came into my head and multiplied like… well, like rabbits and I decided what better way to get back into the fanfic mindset than to write a new one, no? No? Oh. Well… I'm trying it anyway :P Probably not the best idea I've ever had considering how much I'm working and the exams I have coming up but OH WELL. I can try. It is because of this that I will make no promises as to frequent updates but I'll try my damndest to get one chapter out per fortnight or something :)**

**Ahem. God, I never thought it would feel weird to write an A/N but I haven't done one in so long that it actually is. So I won't waffle on today. If anyone's reading at all :/ I'm well aware that you're probably all scared to read in case I fall to pieces again and can't update but, you know, I'll see what happens and you can join me if you want. Bring drinks and we'll make a party out of it.**

**Now, as for the story, I just want to write an uplifting little story with funny moments with a snarky Bella and a doctor Edward who hate each other and so this is it. There will probably be a little drama in places and numerous twists just because I'm writing it but hopefully it'll be a fun ride all the same :) And, before any of you panic about Edward and Tanya and their marriage, there's a story there (as there always is) and that will be revealed in either chapter 2 or chapter 3 when we peek in Dr Eddie's head. It's not too hard to guess but if anyone guesses in a review I'll um… give you a virtual chocolate chip muffin? Or a cookie :)**

**One more thing, I AM going to try to reply to reviews again. I tried before and fell apart because I hate sending a copied and pasted message to every reviewer because it's like "well, what's the point at all?" and I tend to get carried away so writing individual replies takes me forever. But I'll try again and we'll see :)**

**Phew. Okay, that is all :) Please leave me a lovely little review because I have missed them so. Bring drinks and I'll supply the muffins and/or cookies and we'll have a little party in the review page, yeah? ;)**

**Thank you all :)**

**Love, as usual, Steph**

**(I really need to stop these ridiculous A/Ns… it's so unprofessional :/)**


	2. Shotgun Kings, Pokemon Masters & Ice

**Previously…**

_I shake my head and get up. On my way back from the bedroom, my laptop under my arm, I grab the bottle of vodka off the side and three shot glasses._

_The last thing I remember is throwing a shot down my throat in synch with the girls, and then Alice firing up my laptop._

_And then, when I wake the next morning and see the computer screen, that's when everything in my life starts to go a little bit wrong._

**#x#**

_Another day without you with me_

_Is like a blade that cuts right through me_

_But I can wait, I can wait forever_

_When you call my heart stops beating_

_And when you're gone it won't stop bleeding_

_But I can wait, I can wait forever_

_**-I Can Wait Forever, Simple Plan **_**(Keep reading, it's not what it sounds like, promise ;))**

**One Plus One**

**Chapter 2 – Shotgun Kings, Pokemon Masters and Ice Cream for Breakfast**

**Edward POV**

***Two weeks earlier***

Friday afternoons are just the best. There's nothing like that glorious Friday afternoon feeling, especially when it's sunny and you're cruising down a highway in a rented Aston Martin DB9 with the top rolled down, sunglasses on, music playing loud; all in early September. You just cannot beat it.

I speed along the motorway, revelling in the way the engine revs when I push down on the accelerator. I only have this car for the weekend and then it's back to ol' reliable so I'm gonna make the most of it. I can't wait to see Finn's face when he sees the car. I still vividly remember the day he pointed to it in astonishment at the car dealership when we bought the Volvo more than a year ago now. It's an exact replica, even the very same shade of dark cherry red, plum red, whatever. It cost a shitload of money, but it'll be worth it. This could be our last weekend together for a while and I'm gonna make it the best damn time that kid's ever had.

I pull into the airport and roll up the roof again locking the car and checking – twice – that it's locked properly before heading inside and going straight to the terminal. The flight is actually running on time for once and the flight comes in not fifteen minutes later. People pour out of the gates and my eyes scan the people for a boy with my shock of copper coloured hair, eventually spotting him between two women with platinum blonde hair and giant sunglasses taking up at least three quarters of their faces. I roll my eyes; Tanya's gone blonde again, then.

Finn's struggling with his suitcase, even though it's got wheels, but neither women offer him help; they just chat over his head. I sigh and make my way through the crowd toward them. Finn sees me when we're about ten feet apart and his whole little face lights up, his big blue eyes glowing with adoration. "Dad!" he shrieks, dropping his suitcase and flying at me.

I bend down and catch him as he crashes into me flinging him round carefully, so as not to knock anyone with his flailing feet. Then I kneel down and hug him close to me, inhaling his smell, that smell that's so uniquely Finn all sunshine, and mown grass, and cinnamon, and orange flavoured lollipops. "Hey, buddy," I say, a stupid grin stretching across my face, "you wait 'til you see what I've got for you outside."

"What, what, what?" he clamours eagerly. "What is it?"

I wink at him. "You'll have to wait and see."

He pouts and looks as though he's about to complain but then Tanya and her horrifically slutty friend Irina materialise behind him. "Finley, how many times? You can't just drop your stuff like that," Tanya complains, putting his pull-along suitcase down next to where we're – I'm – still kneeling. She turns to me, literally looking down her nose at me. "Edward." Her tone is polite, but clipped. Irritated. She didn't want to come "all this way" to "rainy Seattle". But I sure as hell wouldn't have Finn on a plane on his own, and she wasn't keen on the idea either. So she made it a long weekend with Irina; a vacation of sorts. They would stay in a hotel and do whatever the hell they did while I get my time with my son.

I straighten up. "Hi, Tanya, Irina."

Irina smiles a wide toothy grin and I imagine she'd be fluttering her eyelashes behind her sunglasses. Finn nudges my side and I know he's smirking; even when Tanya and I were still together, she'd never made a secret of her liking for me. Yes, even in front of our then five-year-old son. Some friend she was. Mind you, I probably should have realised Tanya was just as uncommitted as I was in our relationship when she didn't bat an eyelid at Irina's more than obvious advances.

I shuffle my feet awkwardly for a moment and then ask, "Do you need a ride to your hotel?"

"It's okay, we'll get a taxi," Tanya replies, and that's more than fine with me.

"Sure." I bend down and pick up Finn's suitcase. "We'll get out of here then. See you Monday."

"Yep."

Finn looks up at his mum. "Bye Mommy," he says.

"Yeah, bye sweetheart." She doesn't bend down to hug him or kiss his cheek or anything, although I'm not surprised; she's never been very touchy feely with Finn, even when he was tiny. She doesn't look at me again, so I don't give another parting gesture.

Neither of us mention the finalisation of our dragged out divorce which will be coming through in a matter of days and yet I can't help but wonder whether she's as indifferent as she comes across or whether she's secretly as pleased as I am. Or secretly devastated. Which is unlikely.

Ten minutes later, I'm leading Finn towards the rented Aston, waiting for him to see it and catch on. At the moment, he's talking animatedly about his new hamster, Arnold, which I think is just a toy because the Tanya I remember would never let a small creature which mildly resembles a rodent in her house.

Suddenly he sees the car. He grins and points to it. "Hey look, Dad, it's just like that one we saw last time at the big car shop!"

I raise an eyebrow at him and press the button on my keys. When the lights flash and the Aston beeps, Finn's mouth drops open and he practically vibrates with excitement. "Did you buy it? Did you? Wow, that's so _cool_!"

"Uh, no, I didn't _buy _it, squirt. Just borrowed." I don't mention that I could probably buy three normal cars with the amount I paid to borrow this one for the weekend; it's worth it. Or, at least, that's what I chant in my head.

"It's so cool!" He peeks up at me through long, thick lashes. "Can I drive it?"

I laugh in disbelief. "What? Hell no, boy. You're the sergeant of the passenger seat, okay? The shotgun king."

Finn contemplates this for a moment.

"There's a present for the shotgun king."

"But my birthday's not 'til _January_," he giggles.

"I said it's a shotgun king present, not a birthday present."

"Okay," he says straight away and I mentally congratulate myself on my incredible parenting skills. And I'm not lying about the present.

I go to the door to open it for him, but he stops me, telling me firmly that the shotgun king can let himself in the car so I shrug and go round to the driver's side. By the time I get in, he's seated and belted up, holding the small square present in his little hand.

He looks at me. "What is it?"

"Why don't you open it and see?"

"Okay." He turns it over in his hands and I feel my heart swell as I watch. It's almost scary how much Finn looks like me. When I last went to stay with my parents in the little Podunk town of Forks not too far from Seattle I saw a photo of me when I was a kid on the wall and, had it not been for the god-awful girly dungarees I had been wearing (thank god that went out of fashion quickly) and my big green eyes as opposed to Finn's blue ones, I would have thought I was looking at a photo of my son. He acts a lot like me, too, so I've been told.

Finn carefully tears off the paper and then looks at the box. It's a plain black CD case, apart from the front which is clear so he can see the disc inside. It's silver with the words "Finn's 'Anthems'" written on in green. His little eyebrows crease. "Is it a CD?"

"Yeah. Here." I start the engine and the CD player comes on. "Put it in." I wait as he opens the case and puts the disc in.

He listens carefully for a moment and then grins when he hears the very recognisable introduction of Bon Jovi's 'Livin' on a Prayer'. "Is it a Bon Jovi CD?" he asks eagerly.

"Nah," I reply, finally plugging in my seatbelt and preparing to move off. "It's a mix. My dad made me a mixed tape back when I was a kid of all the music we both liked so I thought I'd do the same for you."

Finn doesn't reply, just sings along to the song in his little voice which sounds slightly odd along side the deep gruff voice on the track but odd in a good way. We hit the highway just as the bridge bleeds into the chorus so I reach out and turn up the volume really loud and we shout at the top of our lungs as we shoot along the road:

"We'll give it a shot! Oohhhh we're halfway there, ooooohhhh livin on a prayer! Take my hand, we'll make it I swear, ooooooohhhhh livin on a prayer!"

When the song ends, I ask, "So how was Italy?"

He shrugs his little shoulders and rests his hands in his lap, scratching the denim with bitten nails. "It was okay."

"Did you have a good time?"

He shrugs again. "Yeah, alright." Then he starts humming along to Journey's _Don't Stop Believing_, apparently unable to answer any more questions. I watch him for a moment, worried, but then sigh and move my eyes back to the road. I suppose if he doesn't want to talk about it I won't force him.

We don't talk much more for the rest of the journey, since every time Finn starts to say something he'll stop midsentence to sing along to the next song on the CD. I can't help but grin at my six year-old son as he sings along to the likes of the Beatles, REM and Journey; and he knew all the words to that shit _before_ damn Glee killed it with their ridiculously high-pitched cover versions. I'd never seen an episode and I sure as hell didn't want to change that, judging by the songs I heard on the radio. Turning classic, awesome rock into pop almost as bad as that Bieber kid? No, ta.

When we finally pull into the driveway of my home, Finn falls silent for a moment and then says, "Thanks for the music. It's the bestest present ever."

I reach over the console and pull him across onto my lap, squeezing him tight. "It was no problem, buddy. I missed singing along with you."

"I missed it too." He pauses. "Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I miss you."

I smile sadly. "Yeah, me too."

"Can't you just come back? Or just live closer? You could get a job in the hospital at home. Where you took me when I fell off the swing and hurt my arm that time. And they put it in a bandage and gave me a lolly, remember?"

"I do. Hairline fracture," I say with a smile, deliberately not answering his question.

But the boy's not stupid. He persists. "So why not?"

I sigh. "It's… it's complicated, Finn. Sometimes, you gotta take a job where you don't really want to be because… well, because there just aren't any jobs around."

"So why can't me and Mom move here?"

I feel my shoulders sink. I wish he wouldn't ask all these damn complicated questions. "You can save that question for your mother. Now, how about we call for take out tonight and then tomorrow we can go to the store and make our own dinner? Sound good?"

"Yeah! Let's get pizza from Chuck E Cheese! With extra pepperoni and cheese and onion! Oh, oh! And can we have my special invention for pudding?"

I groan jokingly. "You want me to ask them for cinnamon sticks and mayonnaise again? Do you have any idea how weird that makes me look?"

He just giggles and nods.

I shake my head with an exaggerated sigh. "Okay. But only because you're the shotgun king and that sort of royalty only deserves the best."

**#x#**

The next three days I spend with Finn pass way too fast. Friday evening was spent eating cinnamon sticks with mayonnaise, watching movies and playing cards. Saturday we played video games and then looked up something for dinner in the morning before going to WalMart to get the ingredients. Mom and Dad came down from Forks to join us for the dinner we made, complimenting us both since it was pretty damn delicious. They then spent all night fawning over Finn and giving him presents in between games of cards. Sunday we all went out for the day to a theme park and then out for dinner at Chuck E Cheese, once again completing the day with cinnamon sticks and mayonnaise before Mom and Dad headed back home.

What can I say? Finn brings out the kid in me.

Now, Monday morning, we lie in my bed watching cartoons on the TV and eating ice cream from the tub for breakfast. My arm is around his little shoulders, his back is against my chest. My hand is digging into the ice cream with my Daddy-sized spoon as he does the same with his Finn-sized one. Finn made me coffee as well which was very sweet although I have yet to check the kitchen and no doubt it's in a state. There's a horrible feeling hovering over the both of us that always seems to invade our time together when it's the very last day we have together, that feeling you get when it's the end of something good and you miss it before it's even gone.

I look down at Finn and feel an ache in my chest. In many ways I almost wish he'd never been born because then this mess wouldn't exist and I could have divorced Tanya years ago without worrying. Hell, I wouldn't even have married her had she not trapped me with the "I'm pregnant and my daddy will disown me" crap with her mascara-stained cheeks and wide doe eyes. Okay, that's probably a lie. I did think I loved her so I probably would have asked eventually. I just came to realise over time that we were just too… different. Everything from our thoughts on parenting, to our life's aspirations, to our music tastes were complete opposites. And, sure, it's true what they say: opposites _do _attract. They just don't last. Or love. It's just lust. So, naturally, it wasn't going to last.

There's no story. No big nothing. She didn't cheat on me; there was no shouting or arguing. The spark just went out. And then one evening we talked about it and decided it would be best if I moved out because we both wanted such different things. Admittedly, we did put it off for a long, long time because we were both afraid of telling Finn. It wasn't until Tanya met Aro (short for Aaron) that I actually left. Apparently Finn was inconsolable, which broke my heart but I saw him everyday. I looked after him the most, despite being in my last year of med school training as a cardiologist.

Everything was mostly fine (aside from the fact that I was exhausted) until Finn let slip to me – just after I had graduated med school and was in the process of securing myself a nice little job – that Aro bought him loads of gifts and was trying to talk him into calling him Dad and Finn didn't like it. I hated it even more because, excuse me, that was _my fucking son_ and _I_ was his father, not some guy with greasy black hair and skin as translucent as an onion. I didn't see what Tanya saw in him, to be honest.

And so I happened to run into him at a bar (total coincidence, really, it was…) and we happened to get into a little bout of fisticuffs, which then made Aro sue me (which, in my opinion was a total overreaction… so what if I had broken his nose?) and take me to court, claiming that I was unfit to look after my own son. This, of course, made me livid. Fortunately, social services inspected me and declared that I was fit to be his parent and hadn't technically done anything to jeopardise my time with Finn since he was Tanya's responsibility at that moment in time. He did, however, file a restraining order against me which was successful since there were several eyewitnesses agreeing that I had not been provoked into "brutally attacking" him. And so I had to move away. Seattle had vacancies and was close to my parents so that's where I ended up.

I wouldn't have moved so far had Aro not twisted everything. They had been planning to move to Edmonds, a city right on the coast a forty-five-or-so minute drive from Seattle; at least, that's what they told me. But, coincidentally after I had already bought my apartment and gotten my dream job at the hospital, they decided to stay in California. Funny that. Of course, I had no proof it was Aro who set it up but come on… it was hardly Finn, and Tanya was wrapped around that greasy-haired skankard's little finger. So she chose to ignore both my and Finn's pleas for them to move closer to me. Why? I have absolutely no fucking clue, but I'd place everything I own on a bet that it has something to do with _him_.

And fighting to change the custody and visitation rights would be useless. Everyone knows the dad gets the bum deal, and I doubt the restraining order on my record helps much. I'm lucky that I have to see Finn once a month, to be honest.

So now I can only see Finn when Tanya brings him a minimum time of once a month, and I can't go to him unless Aro and Tanya piss off somewhere else. Which they never do. So I can really only see Finn when he's not at school. And Tanya cruelly eliminated most of the summer holidays by taking him to visit Aro's parents in Italy. They got to spend four whole weeks with him. My parents got one day.

Just as one Spongebob episode ends and blurs into another, the doorbell rings. I sigh and grumble something about people coming way too early in the morning. I kiss Finn's forehead and leave him eating ice cream and watching Spongebob as I go answer the door. I groan lightly as I pass the kitchen and note the coffee granules everywhere and the tipped over bottle of milk, which has poured over the edge and onto the floor. I decide to ignore it for now and open the door.

Emmett grins at me from the other side. "Nice jammies, dude."

I look down at my striped flannel pants as I open the door. "Whatever. At least they don't have batman on."

As I close the door, Emmett yells through my apartment, "Where's Squirtle?"

Suddenly there's the pattering of rapid footsteps and Finn flies through the bedroom door. "Uncle Emmy!"

"Hey now," Emmett says, holding out a hand to stop him as he comes at him for a hug. "What did we say about the Emmy thing?"

Finn looks at the floor, a blush rising in his cheeks. For a moment, I'm reminded of the receptionist at work. The one with the nice ass. "Sorry, Master."

I look between my best friend and son. "What?"

Finn grins at me. "He's my Pokemon master."

Emmett just nods smugly.

I frown. "Hold up. There are two things very wrong with that. One: no non-perverted, straight man would enjoy being called 'Master' by a six-year old boy. And two… Emmett, how do you even know what Pokemon is?"

Finn giggles as Emmett puts his hands on his hips and glares at me. "One, I hope you're not calling me gay pretty-boy because I can slap your pansy ass right off this planet and two, who the hell doesn't know what Pokemon is? It's legendary!" He high-fives Finn at this point and I just roll my eyes.

Then Emmett spots the ice cream through the open bedroom door. "I scream, you scream, we all scream for _ice cream_!" he bellows like an excited child before running for the tub, grabbing my spoon and starting to eat it.

"Jesus," I mutter. I look down at Finn and ruffle his hair before stage whispering, "He's even worse than you."

"I heard that!" Emmett yells through a mouthful of ice cream.

Finn laughs and I love the sparkle in his eyes and the smile on his lips, and wish that they'd hang around forever.

But a few hours and many tubs of ice cream later, Finn and I are back at the airport. Tanya and Irina wait at the gate as I grip my little boy to my chest and hug him as tight as I can.

"I don't want to go, Daddy," he says in a small voice.

I bite my lip and hold back the tears. "I know," I whisper.

"Can I come again next weekend?"

I sigh. "You've got to go back to school now, buddy. It's kind of far to come at weekends."

"But my friend Nadia goes to her Daddy's every other weekend and he lives in Tennessee and that's okay. Can't I come here every other weekend?"

I look deep into his eyes. In their shiny blue depths I can see the pleading. I want to see him more often too; with all of my heart. So, without really thinking it through, I nod. "I'll sort it out. It'll be fine."

"Do you promise?" he asks cutely. "Pinky promise I can come more?"

I smile sadly and link my pinky through his. "I promise."

He beams and hugs me again, even though his arms can't fit all the way around my ribcage. "I love you, Dad."

"Finley!" Tanya yells. "We're gonna miss the flight."

"Here." I give him the handle of his suitcase and make sure he can pull it. Then I kiss his forehead and whisper, "I love you to the moon."

He smiles up at me. "I love you to the moon _and _back again." Then he runs off to Tanya, back to normalcy.

On the way home, I stop at the car rental place and trade the Aston back in for my Volvo. As I hand the keys back over, the realisation that my weekend with Finn has come to an end settles over me and when I'm back behind the wheel of my Volvo I have to sit and wait for a couple of minutes before my emotions stabilise enough for me to drive back to my silent, empty apartment.

**#x#**

The first part of the next week went past really slowly. I spoke to Finn on the phone every other day but it wasn't until Thursday that I got to speak to Tanya about Finn coming again. After much persuasion she eventually agreed that Finn could come every other week, as long as I paid for the airfare. I agreed instantly because money wasn't much of an issue if it meant I could see Finn more often. Getting time off work was more of a problem, because I did have to work weekends sometimes but I supposed if I spoke to my boss, Dr Gerandy, and offered to do overtime on other days he might be kind enough to let me have the time off; he was a good guy really so I was hopeful.

Over the next few days I spoke to Tanya again and we agreed that Finn could come not the next Friday but the one after and then hopefully every other week from then. Finn was over the moon. I spoke to Dr Gerandy and he said that he could let me have every other weekend off. Life was looking good.

And things only got better.

The next Wednesday, my divorce officially came through. I went into work with a huge grin on my face, which Emmett had noticed and realised the reason behind straight away. He had raised an eyebrow at me and said, "So you're a single man, huh? Congrats dude. Hey, we should have a party! With Jazzman!"

I had rolled my eyes at him, but it turned out he was serious as he arranged for a party with Jazz at my apartment on Friday evening. I didn't fight it because I wasn't too adverse to having a good old drink to celebrate my new status as a bachelor.

But, despite the party and general happiness of the last few weeks, when I wake up on Friday, I can't help but feel like there's a black cloud lingering over my head.

I shrug it off when I get to work, fist-bump Emmett about the upcoming party and go about my work for the day. It starts off well. I give a few patients good news, do a bit of paperwork and then find a note about having to sign for something at reception.

So I get to go to reception and tease the receptionist – Bella. She doesn't seem too happy about it but I just find her hostility kind of endearing. I'm caught off-guard momentarily when she meets my eyes though by the depth and compassion in her beautiful brown eyes. She's really a very beautiful girl.

And she demonstrates that she has a good sense of humour, too, when she mutters something about my wanting to say the word 'anal'. Which, although not true, is a very entertaining concept.

When I leave, I find myself looking back at her through the window to see her sniff her pen following a remark I made about her hair smelling like strawberries. I stifle a laugh when she looks up and sees me and her cheeks flush a light pink colour – just like Finn – and then looks away, looking around the room.

Suddenly, a longing comes over me that shocks me; making me tear my eyes from the pretty receptionist with the nice ass, turn away and walk off. But I can't help looking back at the door as I walk down the corridor.

Since Tanya and I separated I've had the odd fling. Even with the Jessica girl here at Seattle General. But none of them have ever meant anything. It was just a way to be satisfied, you know. None of them have ever made my chest ache, even in the slightest. So why has my heart just sent me a little nudge from looking at Bella? Why does it suddenly long to hold her and take care of her?

I briefly wonder how I even knew what my heart was longing for. Because I haven't longed to take care of someone in a very long time.

But my internal monologue is halted by someone calling my name. "Dr Cullen!"

I look around to see Nurse Stanley. "Yes?"

"I need you-" she pauses and then sighs, as though she wants to leave it there "-to come-" another pause. She's really laying it on thick here. "-and look over Mr King's charter. He's saying something about some kind of medication but there's no record?"

I sigh and take the clipboard she holds out. Then, I firmly push Bella out of my mind and carry on with my job.

When lunchtime rolls around I end up out on an impromptu trip to Chuck E Cheese with Emmett and Bella, for Bella's birthday. Which I find a little odd but then figure she must really like their pizza or something because, though it is pretty good pizza, why else would a grown adult with no kids – presumably – want to go to Chuck E Cheese for their birthday?

Of course, the last time I went to a Chuck E Cheese was with Finn the other weekend so I can't help but think about him and, before I know it, all I've ordered is three lots of cinnamon sticks _and _I request mayonnaise when the girl returns. Although, judging by the way she acts, I wouldn't be surprised if she happily gave me whatever I asked for. I totally notice Bella's look of disdain towards the waitress, but hide my smile not wanting her to get the wrong idea and hate me even more than she already seems to. Well, I suppose hate is a strong word, but she's certainly not too keen. Which is a shame because I think she's very pretty – beautiful, in fact – and clearly she's funny and when she compliments Finn's combination, there's a startling pang in my chest. It's a little like pride thing pang in my chest. It's a little like pride and little like lust but somewhere between the two. I'd certainly get in with her if she gave me the time of day but she doesn't – not in a nice way, anyway – so I won't. No biggie.

But then, when we're halfway through lunch, my phone rings. I glance at the screen and feel my face light with a smile when I see Finn's name come up. But that smile falls straight away when I hear Tanya's voice, and then remember that I saved their home number under Finn's name. I very much regret it now. Especially when the first thing she says is "Edward, I've got some bad news."

I frown. "Oh. Right. Okay, what's up?"

She sighs. "Look, I'm not sure Finn's going to be able to come to you next weekend…"

I cut her off as my brow furrows in irritation. "Hey, you can't-"

"Yes, I can, Edward. You're halfway across the country and I have to work. I'm not sending my son on an aeroplane by himself! He's _six_!"

I pinch the bridge of my nose; that's not what I meant. "No, that's not-"

"To be completely honest, Edward, I'm not even sure that this is feasible. How am I supposed to get Finn to you every other week anyway?"

"That's not fair, Tanya! I-" I suddenly feel eyes on me and realise I'm raising my voice. "Hold on," I tell her, standing up and excusing myself to go outside. When out the door, I say into the phone, "We spoke about this, sorted it out. You can come out one time, I'll come fetch him the next, remember?"

"Oh come on, Edward! How's that going to work on a long-term basis?"

"It'll work until you realise that it would make much more sense for you to move closer!"

She sighs, that kind of exasperated sigh you save for when Finn is beginning to get annoying. "Look, I have to go. This wasn't meant to be up for discussion. It's not happening next weekend, okay? I'll call you sometime about when he can come. See you."

"No, Tanya, wait-" But she's already gone. "Dammit," I mutter, gripping my phone so tight in my hand that I'm almost surprised it doesn't break.

I can tell that Emmett notices something's up when I go back, but doesn't bring it up in front of Bella which I'm oddly thankful for. When we're back at work though, and Bella's back at her desk and me and Emmett are the only two people left in the staff room.

"So," he says after an awkward pause, "you gonna tell me what's up or am I gonna have to guess? It's to do with Finn, right?"

"Yeah," I mumble. "Tanya says he can't come next weekend. She's working apparently."

Emmett nods sadly. "Thought it would be something like that."

"It's not even just that, though. She said that she doesn't see how he can come that often, even though we spoke about it the other week and arranged a whole plan and everything!" My frustration from before rears up again.

Emmett purses his lips before saying, "Look, to be honest, I have no idea what to say. _But_ we're still doing that party this evening, right?" He nudges me with his elbow and raises his eyebrow. "You can get smashed and forget all about Tanya and her evil Finn-hogging ways. I'll supply the booze, Jazz the snacks, you the place. Done."

I look at him and nod slowly. "Sure. Yeah."

He grins. "Good. Now, get back to work, Doc!"

I grin back and give him a fist bump when he holds his hand out for one. And, as I start work again that afternoon, my mood improves slightly; who knows? Maybe this party will be the silver lining to my dark cloud.

**#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#**

**Hey! And, as promised, exactly two weeks later is your update! Although I do owe apologies to those of you whose reviews I didn't get to reply to :/ And those of you whose replies to my replies I never replied to… Basically, yes, I failed a little bit with the replying thing. But the way I see it, I have the chapter on time so… I get a point? Or maybe just no minus points lol.**

**I AM gonna keep it short this time at least, for time reasons, but I have to say thank you thank you thank you to like everyone reading! I know I say it all the time but I was **_**really**_** not expecting anyone to read so 55 reviews is totally amazing and I'm so happy :D**

**I hope that Edward's story behind his divorce is satisfying enough for y'all and I really hope that you're all as excited about the prospect of Daddyward as I am :D Now that this little titbit is out of the way, we can get on to the juicy stuff with Edward and Bella doing their little dating thang ;)**

**BTW! I totally have a picture of Edward's Aston Martin… I'll upload it and link it on my profile once I've posted this :)**

**I was planning to do one chapter BPOV and then EPOV but, as usual, I'm being disorganised and can't fit everything I want to say in one chapter so I believe next chapter will also be EPOV, maybe both. I'm a rebel like that, you see ;) I'll just see where the wind blows I think :)**

**Anyway, thanks for continuing to read, hope you liked the chapter and I shall update in (probably) two weeks :) Oh, and please click the shiny little button. Every time you click it, poor unprivileged orphan elves in the Amazon get $10 towards food and shelter… promise! ;)**

**Thanks again!**

**Steph**


	3. Vote for Eddie

**WARNING: Firstly, this chapter is kind of rude. I've decided to keep the accidental M rating since it allows deviation lol. Also, majorly long monster A/N at the end… some of which is actually important. Sorry.**

**Previously…**

_Emmett purses his lips before saying, "Look, to be honest, I have no idea what to say. But we're still doing that party this evening, right?" He nudges me with his elbow and raises his eyebrow. "You can get smashed and forget all about Tanya and her evil Finn-hogging ways. I'll supply the booze, Jazz the snacks, you the place. Done."_

_I look at him and nod slowly. "Sure. Yeah."_

_He grins. "Good. Now, get back to work, Doc!"_

_I grin back and give him a fist bump when he holds his hand out for one. And, as I start work again that afternoon, my mood improves slightly; who knows? Maybe this party will be the silver lining to my dark cloud._

**#x#**

_You lie like a priceless Persian rug on a rich man's floor_

_Well you lie like a coon dog basking in the sunshine on my porch_

_Yeah you lie like a penny in the parking lot at the grocery store_

_It just comes way too natural to you, the way you lie_

_**-You Lie by The Band Perry **_**(They're ah-may-zing. I tried to get a not country song for this chapter, but this fit best and it's totally awesome soo… yes :D)**

**One Plus One**

**Chapter 3 – Vote for Eddie**

**Bella POV**

My head is killing me. I've never had so many tiny men wanting to wreck so much pain on my most vital organ with tiny little pointy swords at the same time. At least, that's what it feels like. I'm at least sensible enough to realise that there are not tiny men inside my head jabbing my mushy brain with tiny swords, even if I'm apparently not sensible enough to realise that handing full control of my laptop and internet access to Alice isn't an entirely good idea.

No, before you ask, there was no gay porn – or any other type of porn, for that matter – involved. It was much, much worse.

But, as I sat and stared agape at the screen of my laptop, I cannot bring myself to feel surprised. The emotions that flicker through me range from shock to anger to acceptance. But I'm not surprised; I'll never be surprised by my own sheer stupidity.

You see, I am that cliché of a girl you see in romantic comedies. Not the pretty blonde one, but the slightly nerdy one who has a crush on the amazingly hot guy who actually likes the blonde but usually ends up rejected by him in an embarrassing way and then gets paired off with the adorable but not particularly attractive extreme nerd. If you spoke to me for five minutes, you would already assign me to that role because I have all the right traits. I'm a little on the nerdy side; I'm not ugly, but not pretty, just sort of plain; I _always_ set myself up for falls by falling for guys I will never be worthy of having and every date and/or guy I do end up having usually leaves in disastrous and mildly humorous circumstances. The similarities go on but I won't bore you with them. Although all of this is without mentioning my atrocious word vomit when I get nervous. Or when I want to impress someone. It's _awful_.

Almost as awful as what Alice has done.

I blink a few times. "So. Wait. You… hacked into my eBay account…"

"It wasn't hacking if you were right next to me, telling me the password…"

I ignore her and continue. "…and bid on a guy offering himself up for a date… even though he could be any kind of skeeze… and _then_ went on to send an email begging to buy him exclusively… through _my account_."

Alice, Rose and I all fall into a contemplative silence. We're sat on my living room floor, where we eventually crashed last night, around my laptop at about midday Saturday. None of us can remember much of last night beyond my mentioning Edward and Alice grabbing my laptop.

Eventually, I sigh, scrolling up past the confirmation email on my bid.

"We could wait for them to say no to the exclusivity and then for someone to outbid us?" Alice suggests in a small voice.

"Are you kidding?" Rose asks with wide eyes. "This is freaking hilarious! No, come on! Bella's gotta go just to see what the guy's like."

"Rose, he's offering himself up on eBay. I can tell you what he's like right now. Ugly, old, perverted, arrogant, pigheaded-"

"Look, let's just… click on the link, see what the details are and if there's a photo. Then, if he's decent you can go along seriously and maybe – just maybe – get laid by something that isn't a piece of plastic for once in your life. If it makes you feel better then me and Alice will tag along and you can ditch him with the foolproof plan where, if you send a signal, one of us will call pretending to be babysitting your kids, or your parents or whatever will turn him off."

I narrow my eyes slightly at Rose, not wanting to admit that that doesn't seem entirely too bad; at least she'd let me get out of it this time. "And if he _is_ a skeeze? Which, might I add, he will be."

"Well then we'll definitely come. You can demand you go to an expensive restaurant, make him pay, mess him around for a while, be a cock-tease… whatever the fuck you want to pay him back for his skeeze-ish personality, okay?"

"No," I say, "not okay at all." But Rose has already clicked the link to the 'item' we had bid on.

"I think that sounds like a good plan," Alice chips in, merrily.

After a moment, the page loads bit by bit. Our eyes scan the heading together: "Romantic Night Out with an Extremely Attractive 28YO Man… Women Only".

I groan and cover my eyes. "Oh my God, what kind of person will I look like bidding on this guy?"

Rose lets out a low whistle. "Just a hot-blooded female, Bella. Anyone would go for this one. Look at the picture!"

"If he's attractive, he's just Googled attractive man or something," I say as I lower my hands, brace myself and open my eyes. And it's just about then that I drop dead with shock. The man in the photo is clearly drunk, or at least a little tipsy, but that doesn't make him any less recognisable to me. The copper-coloured hair, the dazzling green eyes, the defined jaw line, the playful smirk… it could only be one person.

"Maybe he's an alcoholic who can't hold anyone down?" Alice suggests. "That's why he's on here."

I shake my head. "That's Edward."

Rose and Alice look at me sharply, eyes wide. "What?"

"Edward Cullen. That's a photo of Edward. Dr Cullen. Whatever."

"But he's…" Alice started.

"Perverted, arrogant, pigheaded… just missing the ugly and the old," I quip.

"I was gonna say gorgeous but-"

"You're shitting me!" Rose shrieks over Alice. "He looks like _that_! Bella, why the fuck haven't you screwed him?"

I send her a pointed look.

"Who the fuck cares that he's married?"

"Jeez, when did you develop tourrets?" I say.

Alice stops our bickering. "Maybe Bella's right."

I glare at her. "What do you mean 'maybe'? I know what Edward looks like, I see him nearly every day."

"No, no. I mean, maybe you're right about the skeeze thing. Maybe he somehow found a picture of Edward on Google, thought he was attractive-"

"And rightly so," Rose adds.

"-and used his picture."

"Hmm, maybe," I agree. "Scroll down."

Alice – who now has taken control – scrolls down and we all lean in to read the description:

_Twenty-eight-year-old with bronzey coloured sexy, sexy hair and big green eyes like puppy's eyes seeks a lady friend to accompany him to a romantic dinner and evening out as he is currently lacking female companionship. He has lots of hunky muscle and really kissable lips because he doesn't go anywhere without his apple-flavoured chapstick (because he can be a right sissy… I mean, _sensitiveguy_) which he only picks because the colour green is more masculine than the strawberry red one… Uh, he likes stupid stuff like reading and wears glasses sometimes when he reads like the ones David Tennant has in Doctor Who, which is good because he's also a doctor (for all you role-players out there…) and he likes extreme sports sometimes. Not that they're that extreme. Nothing that could cause death or injury, apparently. But bungee jumping's cool… so long as he doesn't think that the rope could snap. Anywho, he also says he has a big 'package'… which means he has a big dick for those of you that are slow. Um… yeah. So… vote for Eddie! That's his name… might have forgotten to mention it. But you know now._

I finish reading feeling thoroughly, thoroughly confused. Edward wore glasses? And apple chapstick? And referred to himself as a sissy? And… _Eddie_? Really?

Rose burst out laughing when she finished. "Please, please, please date this guy! He's frickin hilarious!"

"I don't know…" I looked at Alice.

She had a thoughtful look on her face. Then, to my surprise, she said, "I agree with Rose. You can at least find out why this is on here if he's married, right?"

"It seems like a joke to me," I said carefully. "One of his friends probably put it up and he doesn't even know."

"Well, see what he says in response to our email. If he says it was a joke, fine, you've had a narrow escape. If he accepts… well… you go on a date with this bastard and tell him the hell off." Alice smiled a little evil grin.

I think it over for a moment and then look from Alice's evil grin to Rose's hopeful eyes and back again. And then I smile and nod. "Okay. Okay, I'll do it."

**#x#**

At nearly eight o'clock that evening, I finally get a response from Edward's account, GreenEyes101; this is funny because mine is BrownEyedGirl1665. Every time my BlackBerry buzzed today, I've been grabbing it eagerly only to be disappointed when it's a message from Amazon telling me that the 'toys' I ordered had been dispatched (I don't look any further because I really don't want to know), or when it's a Facebook notification from Emmett asking how my unwanted birthday party went, or when it's an email to say that some magazine have tips for making my sex life ten times better. This is also funny as ten times nothing equals nothing. So when it buzzes again, I'm half expecting it to be Amazon recommending some more products for me based on whatever it was we bought last night and nearly fall off the couch (where I'm sitting drinking herbal tea and wearing sunglasses as I watch reruns of Glee (don't judge, I love that show) _still_ trying to recover from this God-awful hangover) in shock when I see what it is. So I open it and eagerly read:

_Hey there,_

_I'm sorry, I don't know your name. Anyway, I got your message about the exclusivity of the bid you placed and I saw you lived in the area so I don't see any reason why I shouldn't close the bid for your offer. Uh… I've not done this before so um do you know the restaurant La Bella Italia? Do you want to meet there say… this Friday at seven?_

_Let me know :)_

_-Edward (not Eddie)_

I don't actually know how much my 'offer' was so I click on the link once again to find that he's closed the bidding for the asking price of only $7. Surely he's gonna pay more for, like, my starter than I paid to go on the date in the first place? Why didn't he keep it open in the hope of a higher price?

I stop that chain of thoughts instantly. Why am I thinking that? Clearly, he's just desperate or something. Maybe he's some kind of sex addict and his wife can't fulfil his needs well enough? OH GOD. What if he and his wife want… you know… to add a 'special something' to their sex life? How horrifying. I can't do that. I couldn't even bear the mortification of turning up and having him tell me not to worry, I'm not what they're looking for. Because obviously he'd say that; we work together, for God's sake! Oh God, but what if he didn't? What if he – somehow – managed to lure me into his marital bed for some kind of sick threesome?

Panicking, I call Rose straight away and dribble word vomit down the phone about my sudden epiphany. She listens for a moment before interrupting. "Wait, wait, wait. What about a threesome?"

And then I explain properly. And she laughs at me. "That would explain it I guess. Just go. Imagine how uncomfortable he'd be! It'd be hilarious."

"No, I can't… I don't even… ugh." I shudder.

"Nah, honey, he wouldn't say it was a date if it was a threesome. At least, I don't think so. You said he replied to the message?"

"Uh huh."

"Okay, I'm hanging up now. Forward it me right this second, k?"

"No, wait, Rose-" But she's gone.

I sigh and pull up the email again, forwarding it to both her and Alice, waiting for their responses.

Alice's comes through first:

_Perfect, go get him tiger ;) I can come round right after work to make you all prettiful too :) xxx_

Then Rose's slightly longer response:

_YES! Classic! Oh he's gonna be squirming in his scrubs… figuratively speaking. Oh, girl, you need to make his life hell so much. I have the most awesome plan: you win him over that first night, date him for a while and make his life hell. You know, really ruin everything for him and make him think that you don't know about his wife and you're his only girlfriend and send flowers to his house and shit… it'll be hilarious! See Bells? We can have fun with this. Say yes to what he suggested and we'll sort out a plan before Friday xxx_

To Alice I reply:

_Okay, will do :) Thank you x_

To Rose:

_You sick, sick, scheming bitch. I can't believe we're friends…_

…

_But, yes, I shall consider it._

Alice doesn't reply, but Rose sends

_I knew there was a little evil bone in there somewhere Bell ;) We'll sort him out fo' sure x_

I just smile and shake my head before replying to Edward's email.

_Hi Edward._

_My name's Isabella, Izzy. That sounds great, thanks for the exclusive deal ;) As does the time and place, I'll see you then :)_

_-Izzy_

Oh, Edward Cullen is not going to know what has hit him.

**Edward POV**

When I wake up at the ridiculous time of five am Sunday morning to find an email notification on my iPhone, I open it with trepidation after the events of yesterday. And, almost unsurprisingly, it's a message from 'BrownEyedGirl1665', sent the night before at around nine o'clock. I wonder why 1665. It can't be the year she was born, and it isn't that easy to remember, the reason I chose 101. At least, I really hope it isn't the year she was born. Nah, couldn't be; someone that old wouldn't have an eBay account. I take a deep breath and open the message.

This all really started Friday evening during the celebration of my divorce that Emmett had persuaded me to have. I have absolutely no idea how, or why. Well, I have an inkling but everything from that night is slightly distorted. The last thing I remember clearly went something like this:

"_It's funny because he's fat!"_

_Em, Jazz and I explode with laughter once again at the best line from any movie in the history of ever and Emmett hits the rewind button for the hundredth time that evening. I can't help but wonder if we'd still find this as hilarious as we do right now if we were sober instead of incredibly, incredibly smashed but I can't find it in myself to care. I dribble beer down my front as I laugh as the Chinese guy says the line again. Emmett is red-faced and thumping the ground with his fist. Jasper is pretty chill but laughing in that 'yeah, I'm totally chill man because I'm a hippy and I'm always chill even when I'm completely pissed off my face' way that he does._

"_Again, again!" I say, reminding myself of Finn. That depresses me slightly as I remember that I'm not going to get to see him for a while, so I down the rest of my can of beer. Everything is more than fuzzy now, and my head is spinning._

_Emmett obliges and we all crease up laughing again as Alan falls out of the car and the Chinese guy does his little bit. Ah, you can't beat The Hangover. I'll bet we'll all have mean ones tomorrow. Hangovers, that is. Not naked Chinese guys._

_It's around about then that Jazz asks, "So, Edward, how's the chick hunting going?"_

_I just shrug and take another gulp of beer. I don't really want to talk about girls. See, they think I need to get laid and I suppose I do, but I really don't feel like doing the whole dating thing right now. But I don't want a quickie in a cupboard at work or a one-night-stand either. Tried both, neither were very good._

_Emmett laughs obnoxiously. "Bella."_

"_What?"_

"_Bella, at work. She's so into you, dude."_

_I snort and roll my eyes. "No, I'm pretty sure she actually despises me."_

"_I'm pretty sure she_ wants_ to despise you but also really wants to kiss your pretty ass senseless."_

_Jasper nods. "Amen to that."_

"_Jazz, you haven't even met the girl," I point out._

"_Emmett's never wrong."_

"_And, come on bro," Emmett continues, "you can't deny she's gorgeous."_

"_So why don't you just go ahead and date her you big goofball?"_

_He shrugs dismissively. "She's not blonde."_

_I don't respond and the room falls into a speculative silence, aside from the TV buzzing away in the background. I drink some more._

The rest is… blurry, to say the least. And, hell, I certainly wasn't wrong about the hangover thing. Thankfully, there were no tigers, missing teeth or babies when we woke up though. And no naked Chinese men. I don't think I could cope with that; what _had_ happened was only just bearable. Although, admittedly, that wasn't what I had thought when I awoke late Saturday morning to find an email notification on my iPhone from someone on eBay asking for exclusivity on my item. I figured Emmett had put something of value of mine up for sale as a joke, like my wide-screen TV which was like my baby or my super-valuable (and nerdy) collector's edition Star Wars mug. Hey, don't judge, it's in its original wrapping and everything. I'm gonna sell it one day for big bucks… one day. Maybe.

But imagine my shock when I found it wasn't any of that stuff. It was a date with yours truly, and I had been described as having "sexy, sexy hair" and "lots of hunky muscle", as well as being called "a sissy" and "Eddie" (which I _hated_ with a passion), and it had been implied that I enjoyed role-playing of the sexual variety and that I had a big "package". What. The. Actual. Fuck? And someone had asked for exclusivity on _this_? They must be really, really desperate.

I instantly awoke Emmett who was snoring loudly, draped across my kitchen counter, by pushing him off on to the floor. He was okay, if you're worried. Not that I would have cared if he wasn't after that. But I showed him the predicament and, of course, he thought it was hilarious. He laughed until he cried and then pointed out that I must've okay-ed it the night before because I had quite obviously posed for the photo. In turn, I pointed out that I never would have written the description. Emmett nodded speculatively, before telling me that it sounded familiar, so in response I called him a jackass and set to setting this strange, horny lady straight. I was not for sale in any form at all.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Emmett asked when he saw me open email on my laptop.

"What the hell do you think? Telling that whore where to stick it and taking this 'sale' down."

Emmett lunged for the laptop. "Nooooo!" he yelled loudly, before crashing to the ground, due to miscalculating how far he could actually lunge.

Jasper came wandering in then from the bathroom, rubbing his head. "I woke up in the bath," he mumbled, still slightly slurring.

"Dude, guess what!" Emmett said excitedly as he took the laptop from my hands, eagerly running over to show Jazz. I didn't bother running after him; my head hurt too damn much. How could Emmett be so happy when he was so hung over?

_Anyway _Jazz also thought it was hilarious that some woman had thought to bid on me and they both begged me to date the girl and, if she was anywhere near decent-looking, sleep with her. Naturally, I said no. Because, you know, I have some self-respect.

But then Em said, "Come on, dude. What have you got to lose by going? Me and Jazz can come along and if you signal us or something because it's going really, really badly one of us can call pretending to be your crazy wife or whatever and then she'll never contact you again. Besides, she may be a hottie."

"If she's bidding on men to date?"

Em shrugged. "Maybe she's too shy to ask anyone out?"

"Finn's not coming next week now is he?" Jazz asked out of nowhere.

I felt my heart sink again. I had almost forgotten about why I had gotten completely smashed in the first place. As well as celebrating finally escaping the controlling Tanya, that is. "No."

"So just go. It's better than sitting around moping which – don't even bother contradicting me, Edward – you _would_ be doing. You've got the weekend off work so damn well use it. Go out Friday and if it really is that bad, we'll rescue you and we'll go have a good time elsewhere. You've got nothing to lose."

"I'll have to pay…" I pointed out, but I could kind of see what he meant. If I didn't go anywhere, I'd likely drink myself into a stupor again to get rid of the devastation of not being able to see Finn and all this drinking couldn't be good for my gut. Or intestine. Or what-the-hell-ever alcohol damaged.

"I'll pay you to do this, Eddie," Emmett said with a devilish grin, his eyebrow raising suggestively.

I raised mine back. "How much?"

"$25?"

I thought about it for a second. "Make it $40, and I'll consider it." $40 dollars would make more of a difference than $25 when buying a plane ticket to get Tanya from Cali to Seattle. If I could bribe her with money, maybe Finn would be able to come sooner rather than later.

Emmett mulled it over for a second. "Done."

"Okay, I'll do it."

And that was how I got roped into this thing. I sent her a message last night with details that suited me and hoped they'd be alright with this… woman, whoever the hell she was and whatever her motivation was for bidding exclusively on me. I had looked up her profile before sending it in hope of a name or some background information, but it was disappointingly scarce, only telling me her location which was also Seattle, although Seattle was pretty huge so that could have meant anything.

So now that I open this message before going off to my early morning Sunday shift at the hospital, to find that she's accepted every detail I proposed. And her name is Izzy. That's all she's giving me? Before I can stop myself, I'm typing out a response:

_Izzy,_

_Awesome that sounds great. How am I going to know who you are, though? Would you like to tell me a little about yourself? Hair colour, height, maybe? Or if you have facebook I could add you and we could get to know each other a little first?_

_Looking forward to it_

_Edward_

And, as I press send, I realise that I'm actually not lying. I am kind of looking forward to this. However weird this girl is, however badly the date goes, it'll be an experience I'm not likely to forget. And I have a good feeling about this girl that I can't quite explain.

I get to work right on time today. It's a bit of a slow day as I'm assigned to the ER and not too many people are on there today. I'm not technically supposed to do ER often but they're a few people short and, as a bit of a newbie, I do what I'm told generally. When the morning slows right down, I find myself making an excuse to go to the reception desk and I'm disappointed to see that Bella isn't there. I wanted to ask her how her birthday was after I was kind of rude on Friday. Although, to be fair, Tanya had just unloaded the worst kind of news on me.

When I get back home at half two that afternoon, I call Finn since it's Sunday and he's not at school. He tells me excitedly about a new bike which Aro bought for him and I grind my teeth together and pretend to be pleased for him. _I_ should be buying him a new bike and shit. When I ask to speak to Tanya and he informs me that only Aro's there but I can speak to him instead if I want, I nearly throw my phone across the room out of sheer anger. But, instead, I calmly inform him that, it's okay, I'll call again tomorrow.

After we say goodbye, I find that I'm utterly exhausted so I get ready for bed and then curl up with a book, falling asleep with my head buried in the pages, my glasses smooshed into my nose.

That night, I dream of a girl with deep brown eyes and the number 1665 tattooed on the back of her neck, but I don't see her face. The sway of her hips, subtle but sexy curves of her body and soft strawberry scent seems familiar to me in the dream but not even my subconscious can place where I recognise them from.

**#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#**

**Hey guys! I just feel the need to let you know that I'm not entirely happy with the end of this chapter but I've rewritten it a couple of times and it's not quite turning out how I want so hopefully that's just me being too self-critical, as usual, and it doesn't seem too bad to you :/**

**Monster A/N is below. A few bits are important for the storyline so maybe read them? Please? You can skip the first ginormous paragraph below. See the bold bits which pretty much tell you what the paragraph is about and you can decide if you want to read it.**

**Firstly, I'm so sorry about the slight delay for the update! :/ **Not good. I think, according to the point system devised by 'Reviewer' (thanks for that btw, very much made me chuckle :)), that means I'm on like 1 point? Because I had 3 for updating on time and now minus 2 for being late… :/ Hopefully I'll never reach minus 10 and I won't have an army of flame-wielding peoples outside my house. Anyway, if you care for my excuses, I shall explain how much has been going on these last two weeks in list form because I do like lists: I am currently doing exams (English kids are the most tested in the whole of Europe (maybe the world? :/), which totally sucks); my family came down to visit the other weekend; I got pretty sick WHILE doing my exams which sucked even more than the exams themselves; and I am going on a mini spontaneous holiday in like… three hours so I wanted to get this up before I lost internet connection. Hopefully you can also accept these excuses for my lack of review replies as well, but I shall try to reply to some before I leave and lose internet :/

**Second, Juze pointed out that the regular distance for a restraining order is about 500ft, rather than several states' worth of distance. Whoops. **So I did some research (admittedly, something I probably should have further looked into earlier) and have altered the last chapter slightly by adding a few paragraphs which you may want to read. If not, the general gist is that Tanya, Aro and Finn were going to move near to Seattle so Edward bought his apartment and got a job… and then they changed their mind. This way, it remains mildly realistic (for fanfiction, anyway) and the plot still works… kind of. Yay me!

**And then there are a couple of things I forgot to mention last chapter that were mentioned in reviews. Firstly,** as to why Edward can't go to court for rights or whatever, he has a restraining order against him for being unnecessarily violent; as long as he can still see Finn, Edward thinks it's probably better not to test the system. Also, we all know that mothers are (sadly) pretty much always favoured in cases like these; my next-door neighbour's son never even gets contact with his daughter and hasn't seen her in like nine years and she's 10. He sends letters and money for her but they don't think she even gets them; just because he's the father and the mum wanted full custody :( it's really sad. AND, another reason is that I know absolutely NOTHING about the specifics of courts and whatever so I'm mostly going to keep that kind of thing out of the story. It's not really necessary.

**And, on a less serious note, Glee! **I don't hate Glee! I love Glee, it's going to play a bit of a part in this fic (foreshadowed in this chapter… if you can find the line you can have a virtual cookie) so if you don't like Glee please be prepared for a little tiny bit of Glee love to follow. Sorry :/ But hopefully it will be mildly comical with Edward and Bella's contrasting views on the subject.

**As for author's notes** I shall continue to do them but after the chapter's been up for a while, I'll delete stuff that is no longer relevant (such as apologies for late updates) so that those people who don't read stories until they are complete don't have to flick past it. Good idea? Hehe :)

**I think that's all. I hope that's all. I feel very bad that I think more than half the chapter is taken up by my rambling. I should write it all in shorthand. Don't worry, I joke. I will not do that.**

**Please review, even if it's to tell me how annoying my A/Ns are. Or if you found this chapter even mildly entertaining since that's what I'm going for… :/ It will make my day regardless, especially if we can beat 130 reviews… let's give it a try :) Oh! And if you have any guesses as to what's going to happen on the date, please let me know :)**

**Thank you all for continuing to read! Lots of love!**

**-Steph**

**PS: excellent job on feeding the elves, people. Now we need to feed the gummy bears who live in broccoli… if you watch Glee, you will know what I mean ;)**

**PPS: apple flavoured chapstick is amazing. I don't go anywhere without it either. Yes I am a little sleep-deprived right now. Please don't judge. At least I didn't go off on one about Jacob this time. Who, by the way, I don't think is going to be in this. At least, not as competition of any sort.**


	4. You, Sir, Deserve To Be Shot

**Previously… (EPOV)**

After we say goodbye, I find that I'm utterly exhausted so I get ready for bed and then curl up with a book, falling asleep with my head buried in the pages, my glasses smooshed into my nose.

That night, I dream of a girl with deep brown eyes and the number 1665 tattooed on the back of her neck, but I don't see her face. The sway of her hips, subtle but sexy curves of her body and soft strawberry scent seems familiar to me in the dream but not even my subconscious can place where I recognise them from.

**#x#**

_I learned the hard way_

_That they all say things you wanna hear_

_And my heavy heart sinks deep down under_

_You and your twisted words, your help just hurts_

_You are not what I thought you were_

_**-Love Song, Sara Bareilles**_

**One Plus One**

**Chapter 4 – You, Sir, Deserve To Be Shot**

**Bella POV**

I hate Mondays enough as it is. But this Monday is like six million million times worse than usual. Because I have to look Edward Cullen in his green, green eyes and try my hardest not to hate him. For what he's doing to his wife, for what he does to his girls on the side, for what he does to _me_. Jeez, my knees melt just _thinking_ about his smouldering smirk. What am I letting myself in for?

The worst part is that, when I wake up, I have an email from him asking to befriend me on Facebook, know more about me. What am I supposed to say? Should I lie even though my lies are clearly going to become apparent on Friday? I decide to forget about it for a while and ask Alice; she'll know what to do, she always does.

So there I am, sitting at my desk, typing stuff on my computer dying of boredom inside and trying very hard not to hate Dr Edward Cullen. See, I never wanted to do this. But I opted out of going to college or Uni because I didn't see the point. I've always wanted to be a writer and nothing else takes my fancy at all. Journalism, maybe, but I wasn't about to slave away for years as a writer who writes shit they don't want to be writing on a shitty salary spending their whole life waiting for the big job they want to come along. No, I want to write stories, books, novels. It's my one real escape, writing love stories. This receptionist thing is only temporary until I get a book published then I'm out. I hope.

I pause my work for a moment when a loved-up couple walk past hand in hand. Her stomach protrudes in an obvious way; he's shuffling through baby scan photos. All of a sudden I find myself frowning, slightly envious. Every time I think about my stupid lonely life, I'm reminded of when I was a kid. Back when I thought I'd be married at eighteen to the most handsome man in the world and have two kids, a dog and a white picket fence by twenty-two. And here I was at twenty-five with only a handful of bad dates and a couple of awkward fumblings to speak of as experience. How naive my younger self was. But it's with that same naivety that I write happily ever afters, so I best not knock it too much.

A throat clearing pulls me out of my daydream and I blink and realise I had been sat there, chewing the heck out of my bottom lip, staring at the countertop. I glance up and see Mike Newton, a trainee doctor. I smile. "Oh, hey Mike."

"Hey." He grins at me and his eyes go all squinty. He looks like he thinks he looks hot when really he just looks constipated. Oh my life.

"So… what can I get for you?" His eyes light up and I instantly struggle to correct my faux pas. "From here. Um… I mean… what… you know, do you need any… paperwork? Or officy stuff or um stationary or pens or um forms or… something?"

He laughs and shakes his head. "You're stammering, Bella."

I feel my cheeks heat even though I really do not want them to.

"It's okay, I understand." He glances over his shoulder and then leans in to whisper, "Your presence makes me nervous too."

_Oh Jesus._ "Um, Mike, I don't-" But I don't get the chance to finish.

"Sweet ass, is there… oh, sorry, am I interrupting something?"

Mike and I look up to see the devilishly handsome smirk belonging to that of the only person to call me 'sweet ass' on a regular basis.

"Well-" Mike begins, taking a breath.

"No." I turn my whole body towards Edward and widen my eyes slightly; the international signal for 'help'. "What did you want Ed… Dr Cullen?"

His eyes narrow a little in confusion but then he glances at Mike and seems to realise the need for the 'help' signal. I see the realisation in his eyes but only for a fleeting second and then he covers it with the perfect poker face, a soft smile and genuine eyes. "Oh, nothing really, I was just wondering if you were joining me for lunch."

My brow starts to furrow in confusion, but then he adds, "Baby."

_Oh Jesus. Again._ That was not a good idea Dr Cullen. Why? Well, firstly because that pet name has just reduced me to mush, and also because I'm the worst liar-slash-actress on the planet thus there is every possibility that Mike will see through this facade.

Instantly, I blush a million shades of red.

Mike looks from me, to Edward, and back again. And then back again.

"Well?" Edward prompts, obviously wondering if I am completely retarded.

"Sure," I reply breathily and I realise I had been holding my breath. I clear my throat. "Yeah, sure. I mean, we do every other day, why would today be any different?" I am unable to bring myself to falsely call him a pet name knowing what I know. I smile at him, but inside I am cringing at how false my lies sounded, and my palms are clammy.

There's an awkward pause and then Mike says, "Wait. Are you guys…?"

Edward raises an eyebrow like it should be obvious. "Yep. For a little while now, huh Bella?"

I look down at the desk and nod.

"Right," Mike says, sounding thoroughly confused. "Well, I guess I'll see you guys around then." And then, with a little wave, he was gone.

It isn't until he's disappeared that I remember he's friends with Jessica and therefore also knows that Edward is married and so probably thinks that I'm some kind of homewrecker or slut or something. I let out a little groan and bury my head in my hands.

Edward chuckles in a stupid far-too-alluring way. "Come on, Bella, dating me isn't that bad."

I lift my gaze and roll my eyes. "What did you want, Edward?" I sigh.

He obviously senses that I'm not saying any more about the fake dating thing and, to my surprise, becomes almost serious as he says, "Oh, I was just wondering if you had a copy of Mrs Anderson's stats in one of your many, many folders."

"I'm sure I do somewhere." I get up and go through to the office, pulling out the drawer for the 'A's and flicking through the folders until I find Mrs Anderson's. I take it out and through to the counter, handing it to Edward.

"Thanks," he mutters, opening it and flicking through the pages until he comes across what he's looking for. I watch as his eyebrows furrow and an adorable crease appears between them and his tongue prods at his bottom lip as he concentrates. My eyes find themselves fixated on his lips and the bit of his tongue sticking out and I feel my teeth sink gently into the flesh of my bottom lip.

After a moment of reading he hands the folder back to me. "Thanks," he repeats.

"No problem." I stand there for a moment, awkwardly hugging the folder to my chest.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around," Edward says and then turns to go.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

When his eyes find my face I blush again. "Thanks," I say, "for that thing with Mike."

"It was no problem," he says with a bright smile. "Anytime."

"Okay, well, I guess I owe you."

He laughs and turns to leave again. But this time, he hesitates. Then he turns around. "You could… you know, come to lunch with me and Emmett. Like for real."

I stare at him for the briefest of moments, and then nod slowly. "Sure. I'd like that."

His face lights briefly in a smile and then he waves and is gone.

"Damn, damn, damn," I curse as soon as the door shuts. "Stupid pretty-boy with his stupid nice eyes and sex hair enticing me into having lunch with him again," I mutter, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration. I need Angela to get better soon and come back to work so I'm not left alone here at this reception going slowly crazy and falling victim to married men with stupid nice eyes and sex hair.

When lunchtime comes, Edward and I manage to persuade Emmett to go to a Deli bar instead of Chuck E Cheese once again and we sit at a little table out in the sunshine eating fresh Delis; much better than the child-filled Chuck E Cheese, in my opinion.

"So, Baby Bell, how did your birthday party go?" Em asks while chewing a mouthful of salami, pepperoni, pork, ham and every-other-way-of-eating-pig-I-can-possibly-think-of deli drowned in barbeque sauce. He got two as well. He really is a disgusting excuse for a human being.

"Awfully. My friends and I got ridiculously wasted and did some stupid, stupid stuff. I'm never drinking again," I vow, and then cringe when I realise that saying that basically tells Edward and Emmett that I am a lonely singleton who has nothing better to do than get smashed at home with my friends. Which is true, but still. I glance over at Edward and his eyes, which were lingering on my face, dart down to his sandwich, which is the slightly more civilised filling of steak and cheese. I did say 'slightly'.

Emmett laughs. "You're not the only one. You'll never guess what me and our friend Jazz did at- ow!" His grin disappears and he glares at Edward who had, presumably kicked him under the table or something.

"What?" I ask to keep up pretences; I certainly could guess what Emmett and this 'Jazz' had done at Edward's.

Emmett and Edward look at each other for a moment and then Emmett shrugs. "Nothing," he lies half-heartedly, "I forgot."

I raise an eyebrow, but Edward changes the subject to talk about some football game or something. I kind of zone out for a while because the only things I know about football I've learned from rom-coms or Glee and that can't be accurate enough for me to be able to contribute to the conversation and not look stupid.

Emmett had a morning shift so he finished at lunchtime, leaving me and Edward to walk back by ourselves. We walk back in an awkward silence for a moment. Edward is eating a bar of chocolate he's bought, breaking little pieces off and popping them into his mouth. For a moment, I want to be that chocolate, but I shake that thought quickly. Then, to my intense surprise, Edward breaks the silence by saying, "I'm sorry for calling you sweet ass."

I blink at him, speechless for a moment. "Um… I don't really mind… it's fine. I… um…"

Edward smiles and reaches over to put a piece of his chocolate in my mouth. "Don't worry. I just wanted to say sorry. I don't want you to get all pissy with me about it." He winks at me.

I'm gobsmacked for a moment at this action of Edward's, which is perhaps the first decent thing I've heard him ever say, and then I chew the chocolate thoughtfully. "You know," I say after a moment, "I could have been allergic to that chocolate."

Edward scoffs and rolls his eyes. "You're a girl. No girl's allergic to that shit."

I smile and shake my head, reaching out to gently push him. Edward gives me a sideways look, accompanied by a smirk, but says nothing.

After we've clocked in and gone our separate ways, I can't help but wonder whether this date is a bad idea. I mean, I've practically lost my heart to him and his womanising ways before I've even seen him out of uniform. Haven't I essentially already failed this task?

**#x#**

I speak to Alice on the phone that evening as I cook dinner. She tells me to tell Edward I don't have Facebook and give him a few inane facts about myself that are true but quite vague so he won't work out that it's me. I wonder why I didn't think of these things myself.

But then Alice says, "Bella, I… I've met this guy…" That's not unusual. Alice meets quite a lot of guys and it is not uncommon for her to be planning her wedding to a hot guy she saw walk past the window of her workplace when she's stuck. She's an assistant manager for a fashion magazine. What _is_ unusual, however, is how shy her voice becomes when she says it.

"Oh, really?" I ask, pausing my vegetable chopping to listen. "Who?"

"Well, my computer broke so we had to call up the computer maintenance guy… he's _gorgeous_! I thought he'd be all nerdy and weird but he's so hot! He was really shy and really cute, and he had this amazing Texan accent when he spoke." She lets out a dreamy sigh. "I swear I'm in love, Bella."

"Okay, well… did you get his name? Number?"

Alice pauses. "I… I didn't want to ask," she admits.

I have no response for a moment, just because this is _Alice_ we're talking about. She _never_ has any trouble asking for guys' phone numbers. "What?"

"I know, I know!" she whines. "I wanted to just act normal and ask him like I usually do with guys but I just… I don't know, I just couldn't! It was like he mattered and if he rejected me I would have… I don't know!"

"Okay, Alice, Alice, calm down, okay? It's fine. He works in the same building as you; it's pretty much a done deal that you'll see him again."

"That's true," Alice concedes, breathing slightly more evenly again.

"Yes, it is. What was his name?"

"Jasper," she sighs. Actually sighs his name. I thought people only did that in movies and sarcastically, but apparently not.

"Okay, well, you'll see him again, okay? And this time ask him!"

"I will, I will!" Alice assures me and then laughs. "Wow, never thought I'd see the day when little old Bella Swan gives _me_ relationship advice."

"Yeah," I agree, "look, Alice, about that… I know you offered to come and make me all pretty on Friday but can't I just dress myself? It's not like this time even matters! It's a fake date anyway."

"I don't know…"

"Oh, come on, Al. He'll be dressing himself. I'm twenty-five, for goodness sake and, believe it or not, I have acquired a fashion sense!"

Alice snorts. "Converse and jeggings are hardly a fashion statement, Bella."

"Guys like jeggings. And they so are!"

Alice seems to be deliberating for a moment. And then, unbelievably, she says, "Okay, okay. You can do yourself. But only because it's not that important. Oh and if I can come round, check it out and have three vetoes."

"What? No!"

"Two?"

"No way, Alice! I'm dressing myself!"

She sighs sadly. "Just one veto? Just a teeny tiny little thing? Please?"

Her voice is so sad that I have to agree. "Okay. One. But that's it."

"Yay! Thank you!"

After we've said our goodbyes and before I continue cooking, I turn to my BlackBerry and pull up Edward's email. After thinking about it briefly, I compose a response.

_**To: EACullen(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**From: whataloadofBS(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**Sent: 16/09/10 at 18:47**_

_**Subject: RE: Facebook?**_

_Edward,_

_I'm very sorry, but I don't actually have facebook. As for things about me… well, I have dark brown hair and brown eyes. I'm an aspiring writer stuck in a dead-end job I don't particularly enjoy. I love reading and watching Glee and I have two best friends who are complete opposites to myself but somehow we all get along incredibly well regardless._

_I'm sure I'm already boring you so… how about you?_

_-Izzy_

The evening which follows is much more routine for me than the last few days: eat dinner, do some writing until my brain can't take it anymore and then watch some Glee from my box set before crashing in bed to wake up to another equally monotonous day.

_**To: whataloadofBS(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**From: EACullen(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**Sent: 16/09/10 at 21:59**_

_**Subject: RE: RE: Facebook?**_

_Izzy,_

_You weren't boring me at all! You sound pretty interesting and have already sort of shot any negative first impressions I had to shit. An aspiring writer, huh? What kinds? And what job are you stuck in?_

_Me? I'm kinda boring. And you've seen a picture and know some stuff about me anyway. But, just in case you forgot, I'm a doctor, a cardiologist. I have strange, stupid hair and green eyes (duh). I also love reading and have two best friends who are startlingly different from me, Emmett and Jasper. I have to say, though, I despise Glee. I have not seen it but I refuse to watch a show that slaughters excellent classic rock songs by turning them into a replication of Justin Bieber's crappy music. No offence intended._

_-Edward_

_**To: EACullen(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**From: whataloadofBS(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**Sent: 17/09/10 at 16:38**_

_**Subject: Oh dear**_

_Edward,_

_You don't like Glee? Without even giving it a chance? You, Sir, deserve to be shot, along with many other presumptuous single-minded men. No offence intended. Glee is excellent! And most of their covers are quite original, although I will admit that one or two are majorly cringe-worthy. They did sort of slaughter 'Losing My Religion' and 'Hello Goodbye'. Especially 'Hello Goodbye'. Big Beatles fan over here and no one can slaughter their songs, not even Glee. But their cover of 'Jessie's Girl' and mash up of 'Start Me Up' and 'Livin On A Prayer' were quite good, if I do say so myself._

_But, if you don't like Glee, what music _do_ you like, Dr Cullen?_

_And, yes, an aspiring writer. Romance, naturally. Always, always combined with another genre though; I refuse to be one of those repetitive, dull Mills and Boon types. Sometimes mystery, sometimes comedy. I mix it up to keep myself interested more than anything else, but there'll always be an element of romance. A big one, too. Hey, don't judge; I'm a girl with an imagination :P_

_I'm a receptionist. Dull as hell, really._

_Negative first impressions? I'm shocked, why on earth would you have negative first impressions about a girl who bid on a date with you on ebay? Don't worry, I'm not a slut, whore, prostitute or any other name you can find in your non-child-friendly thesaurus._

_Best regards,_

_Izzy_

_**To: whataloadofBS(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**From: EACullen(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**Sent: 18/09/10 at 13:47**_

_**Subject: I could say the same thing about you**_

_Izzy,_

_I'm so sorry if I offended you, I didn't mean anything like that. I don't think you're anything like that at all… hello, you like Glee ;) (it's a joke, I promise)_

_And no, I do not like Glee. I'm not entirely sure this allows my shooting, nor that of other "presumptuous single-minded men". They did indeed slaughter 'Losing My Religion', no "sort of" about it. I haven't heard their Beatles cover, nor do I have any desire to. Not sure if I could call myself a "big fan" but I have nearly all of their albums so I suppose I must be some sort of fan. Regardless, Rick Springfield will always sing 'Jessie's Girl' better, and Bon Jovi's 'Livin On a Prayer' should never EVER be copied on the basis that no one will ever sing it better. Period. The Glee cover of 'It's My Life' literally hurts me; whose idea was it to mash it up with Usher anyway? Bon Jovi's epicness can never and will never be matched._

_I suppose that tells you what music I like. Bon Jovi, U2, REM… all the good music that Glee shot to shit._

_And I don't make any kinds of presumptions of your writing. It's good that you mix it up and if it makes your dull receptionist life better then good for you. I have to say, that job does look awfully dull. I have a friend who works the reception desk at the hospital where I work. She always looks so bored…_

_Yours,_

_Bon Jovi's #1 fan ;)_

_**To: EACullen(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**From: whataloadofBS(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**Sent: 18/09/10 at 20:25**_

_**Subject: You have such a man crush on JBJ**_

_Hey there BJ1_

_Yes, I just called you BJ1. It sounded better if I missed the 'fan' part out of the abbreviation…_

_Anyway. Wow. I bet you were at the front of their concerts back in the day with 'Jon Bon Jovi' painted across your forehead, screaming like a girl. I look forward to meeting you if this is the case… Maybe throughout our date on Friday I should sing a continuous mash up of all of Bon Jovi's songs. On the other hand, perhaps that would be too much effort._

_Don't worry, I was messing with you, I'm not offended; I'd think the same._

_Hmm, I suppose your music taste is pretty good if you have nearly all of the Beatles albums. Before you throw my above teasing back in my face, yes, I have six pairs of so-called 'John Lennon sunglasses'. Go ahead. Laugh all you want, I will always cherish them. Maybe I'll wear a pair to our date. I also have Ringo Star's autograph, although I've heard that's not too hard to come across compared to the others'._

_Indeed. Writing is my escape from my dull, dull life. I need an exciting hobby really. Maybe water sports? I've always wondered what that would be like. But then, I have a shark phobia. Bungee jumping? Hmm, I'm pretty accident prone so perhaps not. I'd almost certainly kill myself. Motor racing, perhaps? Ah, we'll see._

_Yours,_

_Possibly the biggest hippie/John-Lennon-sunglass-wearing girl you've ever had the displeasure of speaking to_

_PS: Please remember as you shake your head and worry for your sanity that I bought you for $7; you clearly are already lacking in sanity._

_**To: whataloadofBS(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**From: EACullen(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**Sent: 19/09/10 at 18:39**_

_**Subject: Yeah, well you have a crush on Paul McCartney. That's almost worse.**_

_BJ Girl (two can play at that game… I've shortened yours to Biggest John girl…),_

_Ah, you got me. I wouldn't be surprised if our wires have already crossed at fan conventions under the 'B' section… I think a continuous mash up would not only be too much effort but also incredibly annoying. I'd appreciate it if you rethought that._

_I'm relieved you're not offended. It would be a shame to end this relationship before it's even started, especially since you've parted with $7 of your precious money earned through the dullest job in the world. And you clearly have some kind of sense of humour so that's a bonus right there._

_I won't laugh._

_Okay. I lie. I just spent ten full minutes laughing at that fact. Six pairs is a little excessive, I believe. You must look really stupid when you wear them. Maybe you'll get lucky and they'll come back into fashion and you can sell them on eBay? And Ringo Star's autographs are as easy to come across as babies in China, I've heard._

_Water sports, bungee jumping and motor racing huh? Well, I'll note those down and then if there's ever a need for a second date, I'll know what to do… ;)_

_Yours,_

_A man who owns no John Lennon sunglasses at all (Ha, try and get BJ outta that…)_

_PS: Don't worry, I'm more than well aware that I have no sanity at all. Perhaps you should be worrying that you bought me for $7; did the phrase "too good to be true?" ever occur to you? ;)_

_**To: EACullen(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**From: whataloadofBS(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**Sent: 20/09/10 at 07:35**_

_**Subject: I don't have a crush on Paul McCartney. I TOLD you I have Lennon glasses, not McCartney. McCartney's never been hot in my eyes.**_

_Cocky asshole,_

_The above name is regarding the "too good to be true" thing since you're obviously implying that you're worth more. I think I shall decide that for myself._

_Now that you mention it, I do remember you I think. The slightly nerdy-looking kid with an obvious man-crush on Jon Bon Jovi, yeah? I'll have been the girl wearing six pairs of glasses at the same time, apparently… You goofball. One pair at a time. And I'll never sell them on eBay. I don't sink that low, unlike some people…_

_Did I mention that you're a dick? When I said you could laugh, I didn't mean it; cue eye-roll here._

_Also, I'm beginning to think that you're trying to get me killed. Not a good move if you want this relationship to last._

_Not yours if you keep this up,_

_Judge of what is too good to be true (don't even think about it. You can't reverse my sign off to become "be judge")_

_PS: I guess we'll find out who should be worrying later, huh? I think you'll be in for a bit of a surprise, personally…_

_**To: whataloadofBS(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**From: EACullen(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**Sent: 20/09/10 at 18:52**_

_**Subject: Getting a little over defensive there, huh? ;)**_

_Simon Cowell,_

_I don't feel that name needs an explanation._

_I don't know about man-crush either. I had a girlfriend, you know! I think I remember you. Of all the freaks there, you were the freakiest. Six pairs of glasses on at once; cue disappointing shaking of head here._

_And to think you're an aspiring writer. Your grammar really has something to be required. I think you'll find that the sentence you are attempting to write should make use of the present-tense active verb "have" rather than that of "is", thus making the sentence: "you have a dick" rather than "you are a dick". Comprende?_

_I'm beginning to think you have a penchant for pointing out the obvious ;)_

_My own person,_

_The surprisingly non-gay Bon Jovi nerd (Don't you dare)_

_PS: I'm sat here, waiting for you, right now. So I suppose we'll find out in a moment, three minutes to be exact, presuming that you're punctual. And I suppose you'll probably read this after our date… I hope it went well and I apologise in advance for any inappropriate comment I may make. It'll probably happen._

_**To: whataloadofBS(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**From: EACullen(at)gmail(dot)com**_

_**Sent: 20/09/10 at 19:03**_

_**Subject: By the way…**_

_PPS: What do you mean by surprise?_

I hadn't been wrong about the monotonous week. The only different thing was the unexpected but incredibly entertaining email correspondence I had started up with Edward, upon Rosalie's encouragement. With each email that had passed, Edward seemed more and more decent and I began to wonder if this might work out… but then I'd remember his wife and become even more curious about his real intentions, and slightly detest him once again.

Additionally, Angela had returned to work after recovering from her flu and come out for lunch with Alice, Rose and I where we had filled her in on what had gone down at my party and what was happening at the weekend. Angela had been like the angel on my shoulder though, of course. She was too kind sometimes. Her points – like "shouldn't you just ask him?" and "isn't it a bit mean to just blindside him like that?" – were valid and they did resound in my head for a while and make me feel kind of guilty, but my two devils (Rose and Alice, naturally) quickly sorted that out. As did Edward himself.

He was kind of sweet to me after the incident with Mike. He even bought me chocolate one day – coincidentally the day after he had mentioned the real me in an email to the fake me – but I had made him promise never to do that again because it made me feel terribly guilty. Of course, he was still a bit of an ass, and overly flirty and arrogant considering that he was married, but that was really all that I could fault him on. Which was frustrating when I was trying to find reasons to detest the guy, instead of becoming slowly but surely attracted to him.

Now, it was Friday evening. This was what my week had been leading to ever since I woke last Saturday to find what we had done while inhibited by the evil that is alcohol. I had dressed myself – for once – in dark blue jeans, a light blue blouse and converse. Alice had, unsurprisingly, vetoed the converse for a pair of more feminine kitten-heeled dolly shoes. Also blue. Other than that, she was pretty pleased with what I had picked.

I park my car around the corner from the restaurant we were meeting in and take a deep breath outside before going in. As soon as I step inside, I see him looking out of the window, a small amount of panic on his face. I am ten minutes late so it's possible he's worried he's being stood up. I can't help but smile a little when I think about how much worse the reality is for him. And I feel my chest lighten with relief when I see his wife isn't there, therefore lessening the likelihood that it's the threesome thing.

A waiter comes over to seat me but I tell him that it's okay, that I already have someone waiting here to meet me. Then, I take another deep breath and make my way over to him. This is it. Edward Cullen is about to get the biggest shock of his life in the form of a girl who owns six pairs of John Lennon sunglasses and happens to know that he's cheating on his wife.

It's going to be interesting, to say the least.

**#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#**

**So this chapter sort of turned out to be a bit of a filler… sorry about that :/ I didn't intend for it to be, I intended for the date to be here and everything but this is where it took me and I don't argue when the words want to deviate because trying to control the flow just makes my writing awful. So just go with it please lol.**

**I will try and keep this relatively short in comparison to last time but it's not going to be very succinct when I can rant about the Breaking Dawn trailer.**

**But OMG! Seriously, how good is that looking? Dude, I died. Multiple times. It was so funny I saw a link to it and was all like "oh well that's not gonna be the real trailer cos it's not released til later" and then I was sat there in complete shock that it was. It took me a while to breathe. Pfft, I'm normal :P What did you guys think?**

**As for reviews, thank you so much! We just missed the target (dangnabbit, in the words of Kristen) but if this chapter gets 25 we'll already be at 150 which is INCREDIBLE so thank you I love you and all that jazz :)**

**Now, I'm gonna see if I can make a website for this story with music on it and pics and I'll see if I can get you guys a visual of Finn so keep an eye on the profile if you're interested :) And, yes, music is gonna be a quite important bonding thing for Bella and Edward here :) Because, really, you can't beat a good bit of Bon Jovi and the Beatles can you? :)**

**Also, thanks once again to 'Juze' for the help (edited that out again, you should become my realism beta lol) and 'Reviewer' for an epic review. I shall share some of it with you: **"everyone knows that when you consistently take amusement from someone and never give any back, we get left with Justin Bieber. Please don't become Justin Bieber. Fuel is expensive, and my flamethrowers need lots of it**." Sorry if you like Bieber (I have nothing too much against him, I don't know him) but that IS funny :P And, to that person, I hope you liked The Band Perry because they ARE epic :)  
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**Please let me know your thoughts on their email bondings, and the BD trailer if you want, and if you want to have a Glee rant then please feel free. I'm on the fence with that because I love the show but a lot of their songs will never, ever beat the originals sooo… yeah :)**

**Thanks again!**

**-Steph**


	5. Aaaand the penny drops

**Previously…**

A waiter comes over to seat me but I tell him that it's okay, that I already have someone waiting here to meet me. Then, I take another deep breath and make my way over to him. This is it. Edward Cullen is about to get the biggest shock of his life in the form of a girl who owns six pairs of John Lennon sunglasses and happens to know that he's cheating on his wife.

It's going to be interesting, to say the least.

**#x#**

_Hey, white liar, truth comes out a little at a time_

_And it spreads just like a fire, slips off of your tongue like turpentine_

_And I don't know why, white liar_

_** -White Liar, Miranda Lambert (The nly one of her songs I really like and pretty good for this chapter)**_

**One Plus One**

**Chapter 5 - Aaaand the penny drops**

**Edward POV**

As I wait for my mystery girl, I reflect on the strange relationship that's sprung up between us in the last week. It's funny. It feels like I know her… no, more than that; like I've _known_ her forever. She seems so easy-going, and she has a killer sense of humour. She seems like just my type. In other words, the opposite of my expectations. I couldn't exactly say that she was wrong when she had called me out on my assumptions of her being a slut and a whore, but she didn't seem to be anything like that at all. In complete honesty, I fully expect her to be completely and utterly hideous because, with a personality like that, she'd have to be to not be in a relationship. Unless… unless she _is_ in a relationship and is just… I don't know. Why would you buy a date on eBay if you were in a relationship? Mind you, I wonder what her first impressions of me were – are, really. What kind of guy would sell themselves on eBay? Not the good kind, that's gotta be for sure.

It was a mystery, hence why she was my mystery girl.

But then, as I sit here at the bar brooding and minding my own business, the stool beside me is pulled out with a scrape. I sit bolt upright as the scraping noise makes me jump, looking up at my mystery girl. But it isn't her.

"Oh, hi," I say as Bella from work takes the seat beside me; also the only spare seat at the bar. She looks even more beautiful than usual out of uniform; her hair loose and waving down to her shoulders, the neck of her blouse dipping just low enough to flash me a little cleavage. I frown slightly because I realise that it's not for me that she is flashing the cleavage. And it's not only me who can see the cleavage. I am almost overcome with the urge to hide her away from prying eyes and men with bad intentions. Such as myself.

She smiles then, and says, "Hey," effectively breaking me out of my thoughts.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, shooting her a polite smile but my jaw is clenched a little for multiple reasons. Firstly, I'm worried that she's on a date and intends to let some other guy see this cleavage and dammit I want it myself. And second, she's taking my own date's seat. Although, admittedly, that worry is second to the cleavage one. I am a breast guy; always have been, always will be.

"Not much, what are _you_ doing here?" she replies, taking me off guard by shooting my own question back at me.

"Oh, um, I… I'm waiting for someone." I nod to the stool she's sat on once I've collected my bearings.

Bella looks down. "Oh, right," she says but she doesn't move, even though she seems to have taken the hint. She sighs, tucks her purse under her stool and balances her elbow on the bar, leaning her chin sideways on her hands and meeting my gaze with her own.

I find myself lost in her chocolatey brown eyes for a while, before I realise that she has completely commandeered my date. I clear my throat, unsure of how to get her to move without being impolite. I glance down at my watch. Damn, this girl is nearly fifteen minutes late! I begin to worry that she's gonna no-show.

"So…" Bella says, dragging out the vowel. "Who are you waiting for?"

"Um…" How am I supposed to tell my work colleague whose ass and cleavage I may or may not have a teensy tiny crush on that I sold a date with myself on eBay and I'm in fact waiting for the girl who sank low enough to purchase me but actually seems pretty awesome? "Just… a girl…" That'll do.

"Oh, okay." Still she doesn't move. Is she _trying_ to annoy the heck out of me?

"Look, Bella, um, it's nice to see you and all but-"

"Oh, you want me to move?" Her eyes widen slightly and she looks hurt for a second before nodding. "Right, right, sorry, I'll… um… I'll just." She smiles nervously. And then she reaches into her pocket and slips a pair of sunglasses over her nose. John Lennon sunglasses. "See you round."

I frown as she turns. "Hey, wait."

She looks back over at me. The expression on her face is almost expectant.

"You have… those glasses," I say, sounding like a complete moron.

"Yeah," she says. "I have six pairs actually."

I feel my eyes narrow. "Is this a joke?"

"What?" Bella asks innocently.

"Did you, like, hack my email or something?"

Bella lets out an exasperated sigh, rolls her eyes and plops down in the chair again, taking her sunglasses off of her nose. "No, Edward, I did not hack your emails." She stares at me for a moment, waiting for something.

And then I realise as I lose myself once again in her chocolatey brown eyes… brown eyes. Brown hair. _Isabella_. I blink, confused. Because there is no way in hell that Bella and this mystery girl of mine can be one and the same. No fucking way.

"Aaaand the penny drops," Bella says sarcastically, with another roll of her eyes.

"Stop rolling your eyes, they'll get stuck," I quip, unable to help it.

"Stop being dense and I won't have to."

"You don't have to roll your eyes."

"Can you come up with a facial expression which enables you to put across the same message?"

I hesitate, and decide to change the subject before I lose this argument. "But… you… Bella… not… you're like… not…" I take a deep breath and ask, simply, "Why?"

Bella sighs deeply again and begins to fiddle with her fingers on the table top as she mulls over her response. But then, just as she's about to speak, a waiter comes over as the bartender is otherwise busy. I watch as his dark eyes appraise Bella's body and his eyebrows raise like he likes what he sees. "Any drinks I can get for you, miss?" There's a flirty lilt to his voice and I have to work hard to restrain the caveman inside of me who wants to claim this girl as mine, even though I have pretty much no claim. Apart from, perhaps, the flirty emails we've been exchanging and the fact that _I saw her first, asshole._ Oh, and – apparently – she's my date. I would like to add that this hasn't actually sunk in yet.

Bella glances at me before shrugging and saying, "We'll have a bottle of wine. Rosé."

The waiter nods and returns to the kitchen to retrieve it.

"A bottle, huh?" I ask, unable to keep the hint of bitterness from my voice. I'm not bitter that it's her – hell no, she's gorgeous – but I am confused and slightly irritated – okay maybe a lot irritated that she's managed to blind side me so easily and then avoid offering an explanation.

But she nods in response to my question. "Trust me, we're gonna need it."

Before I have time to ask why, the waiter returns and informs us that there's a table available for eating for us and leads us over. I follow Bella – who is following the waiter – desperately attempting to collect my scrambled thoughts as I watch her ass sway appealingly from side to side in front of me. I'm so absorbed in my thoughts and Bella's ass that I crash into her when she abruptly stops at a table. I mumble an apology and glance at the waiter to see him watching me with disdain. Honest to God his nose is so high in the air he'll do a backwards somersault any second now. _Dickhead_.

He further embarrasses me by pulling out Bella's chair for her while I stand there like a goon. My mouth is probably still hanging open in astonishment and – to be quite honest – I wouldn't be entirely surprised if there was a little drool there. I still can't quite comprehend that Bella and Izzy (and Biggest John girl, and Simon Cowell, I suppose…) are the same person.

This has got to be the worst first date in the history of first dates. Or, at least, the most awkward.

Once we are seated and Dickhead, as I have not-so-fondly nicknamed him, has poured Bella's wine with a smile and mine with a glare and left us alone I watch Bella take a sip of her wine, lay a napkin across her knees like my mom used to make me do and smile sweetly at me.

"Cat got your tongue?" she says lightly. "I have to say," she continues when I don't respond, tracing the tip of her pinky finger around the rim of her wine glass, "I'm kind of disappointed you don't have some Bon Jovi something written across your face. Not even an old concert tee?"

I narrow my eyes at her. Why is Bella suddenly being so spiteful and sarcastic? Surely this isn't the same quiet, shy girl on the reception desk who blushes every time I grin at her? I shake my head to clear my mind – although it doesn't actually work – before replying. "But… you knew it was me."

Bella raises a dainty eyebrow. Jeez, even her eyebrows are quite pretty. "Um, is that a question or a statement?" She smirks but amends her response when she sees my expression. "Sort of."

"How can you _sort of_ know? There was a photo." I can't believe we're discussing this. It seems so bizarre. God, I need… I don't even know. A cigarette? I gave up smoking years ago and have not craved it since but I need _something _now, that's for sure.

Bella sighs. "It was a drunken thing. My friends thought it'd be funny… blah blah blah."

"But you knew when you were emailing me?"

"Yeah."

"So…" I pause to think over my question before I ask it. "So why didn't you-?"

Dickhead appears again. "Are you ready to order yet?" he asks Bella.

"Um…" She grabs a menu, scans it with her eyes and purses her lips. "I'll have the… seafood platter, please."

Fuck my life. Only the most expensive item on the menu.

"Good choice." Dickhead nods, notes it down and turns to me, raising an eyebrow.

"I'll just have the… mushroom ravioli, please," I order the first thing my eyes land on; it doesn't matter since my appetite has strangely disappeared.

Dickhead then takes our menus and leaves again.

Bella clears her throat, swirls her wine and says, "You were saying?"

I open my mouth to answer but find myself watching as she lifts the glass to her lips and traces the rim with the tip of her tongue before taking a drink. Suddenly, it's very, very hot in here. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "I was… what?"

Bella smirks like she knows just what she's doing. And what she's doing is starting a party in my pants without inviting me. "You started with 'why didn't you'," she tells me.

"Why didn't you…" Oh yes, I remember. "Why didn't you withdraw the offer if it was made without you even knowing?"

For the first time this evening, Bella shifts uncomfortably herself. I sense that for a second, even if just a second, I have the upper hand here. My eyes flicker over her expression, her grimace, and I try to read her oh-so-readable face.

After a moment of silence, I smirk. I think I know what this is. "You know, Bella, if you wanted to date me, you could have just asked."

Bella's face flames and her eyes shoot to my face. "That's not… I don't… ugh! You're infuriating!"

"Too embarrassed?" I tease. This is more like it, more natural. Me with the upper hand, her blushing and stammering. I feel like I'm the right way up now, got my footing back after the momentary stumble. Bella was Izzy because she was too embarrassed to directly ask me to my face. A little long-winded but okay, fair enough, I'm not about to question the motivations of females. Hell no.

"No!"

"It's okay, Bella. You can admit it."

Her fingers curl tightly around her glass, her lips pursed so thinly it's almost like she doesn't have any and I miss them. "I don't want to go on a date with you."

"I hate to break it to you, sweet ass, but you're already here."

"You're such a prick; it's not like that at all." Her face is even redder now, perhaps embarrassment, perhaps anger. Maybe even both. She's adorable, I decide.

"Well, what is it then?"

Bella stares stonily at me, but doesn't respond.

"Okaaay," I say.

"Excuse me," Bella responds, getting up, throwing her napkin down on the table and storming off to the bathroom.

The term 'mystery girl' was right; this one's certainly a mystery. Her face and emotions may be easy to read, but her thoughts were impressively and infuriatingly cryptic.

While she's in the bathroom, Dickhead comes over. "She fed up with you already?"

"No," I reply curtly, "she's in the bathroom."

He nods, like he's humouring me.

I grind my teeth together but say nothing to antagonise him and after a little silence, he walks off.

Bella returns about seven minutes and forty-eight seconds later – just a guess, an approximation – and I have to bite my tongue against asking what took her so long. She is less red now, looks a little calmer but still frustrated beyond belief. She sits again, laying the napkin out just as before.

"Everything okay?" I ask, reaching across the table to lay my hand across hers. Yeah, I know how to lay it on thick. And why not? If she's going to show an interest, I think she's unbelievably hot, Em and Jazz want me to get some, and there's the whole wanting to take care of her thing that I'm trying to forget… well, if there's all of that, why the hell shouldn't I lay it on thick and date her? If she can arouse me by licking the rim of her glass then clearly Em and Jazz are right and I _am_ wound too tight.

But she snatches her hand away. "Fine," she mutters.

Dickhead returns, coincidentally right after Bella, to deliver our food and flirt some more with my date. I'm about ready to rip his smug little head off of his smug little neck.

We sit in silence for a moment and I dig in to the mushroom ravioli – it's alright – but when I look up I see that Bella's just pushing hers around. I sigh and put my cutlery down, putting on my most sincere face and tone. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing's the matter!" she snaps, and then blushes. "Sorry."

"That's alright." I watch as she spears a prawn and pops it into her mouth chewing thoughtfully. "Good?"

Her eyes flicker up to mine and she searches them for something, I'm not sure what, before nodding half-heartedly. "Yeah, it's pretty good."

The silence falls again. I eat for a while. Bella eats occasionally. I sigh and put down my cutlery again. "Are you going to eat that?" I ask.

Bella glances up and then back down and then back up again. "Um, sure?"

The hesitancy in her answer and boredom in her eyes says everything I need to hear. "This is ridiculous." I catch the eye of Dickhead and he comes over. "Can I have the bill please?"

"Sure." He turns and goes to get it, eyeing Bella's plate of uneaten food, confused.

Bella is confused as well. She's looking at me. "But I'm not finished."

"You don't even like seafood," I state.

She rolls her lovely eyes. "Why would I order it if I didn't like it?"

"You tell me."

"You're being ridiculous," she says. "I do like seafood, I am going to eat it, I'm just…" She searches for the right word.

"Bored, sad, irritated?" I suggest all of the emotions I can see in her eyes.

She frowns. "I was going to say a slow eater-"

"Yeah, don't bother, I can tell you're lying."

"So… what? That's it, this is over?" To give her credit, she's not denying it. What a strange girl.

"No. I don't have shit dates, regardless of the circumstances. We're going somewhere where you'll enjoy yourself, I'll enjoy myself and it's possible to recover this train wreck of a date," I say, although inwardly I doubt even I can erase this awkwardness and save the day this time.

She stares at me, wide-eyed for a second. But she doesn't get time to respond because Dickhead comes back and presents me with the bill. I pay by card, not batting an eyelid at the total or the fact that we've eaten barely any of it. Dickhead fetches our receipt and gives it to me and I stand up, going to Bella's seat, where she's still sitting looking a little dazed, and offering her a hand. It snaps her out of her daze and, though she doesn't take it, she gets up and follows me out of the restaurant.

When we are outside, I take a deep lungful of air. I look back at Bella. "Do you have a car or something you need to drop anywhere before we go somewhere else?"

She shakes her head and then offers, by way of explanation, "I didn't bring one so that I could drink. I walked."

I nod because I did the same and then look down at the receipt in the palm of my hand as we begin to walk along the street. And then I snort with laughter. Very attractive.

"What?" Bella asks.

"Could've sworn that guy was straight with the way he was checking you out," I say, pointing to the phone number written across the back of the receipt accompanied by the words 'call me beautiful'.

Though it's obvious she tries to suppress it, Bella smiles and even giggles a little. "Oh no," she disagrees jokingly, "I think you two would make a gorgeous couple."

I roll my eyes and crumple the receipt in the palm of my hand, tossing it in a nearby trash can.

Bella pouts and pushes my shoulder a little. "Hey, I might have wanted that."

I raise both of my eyebrows. "Like hell you would! You're _my_ date; you think I'd just willingly give you some other dickhead's phone number? No way."

Bella eyes me carefully then.

"What?"

She sighs and looks away.

"Are you still embarrassed about earlier?" I guess and then carry on without giving her time to respond. "Because it's totally cool. I mean, I think you're pretty hot, too. My friends drunkenly posted the thing on eBay, I never would have myself. I'm, like, no, I'm not like that. But, yeah, you're pretty nice and pretty and I'm glad it's you and…" I trail off, realising I'm prattling on and making a bit of an idiot of myself.

Bella looks kind of bemused now. "Your friends put it on there?"

"Yeah." I rub the back of my neck, suddenly nervous although I have no idea why. "And they were drunk."

"Huh." Bella takes a moment to absorb that and then asks, "So why did you carry on with it?"

I shrug. "They convinced me that I should. That I had nothing to lose. Which I don't."

Bella stops abruptly and when I look round at her, I see her staring at me in disbelief.

"What?" I ask.

She's angry again. I can see it in her eyes. Jesus, this girl has some rollercoaster emotions. "_Nothing to lose_?" she repeats, seething.

"Um… no?"

Her lips disappear once again. She shuts her eyes for a few seconds and then breathes out deeply. "Look, Edward, I know, okay?"

If I'm not already confused, I sure as hell am now. "What?"

"Don't act all innocent, like you don't know what I'm talking about! That's why I'm here! To frame you and expose you for what you really are: a prick, a liar and a _cheat_."

_Whoa. What the fuck?_ "_What_?" I take a step closer to her because people are glancing over at her raised voice. "Bella, I have no idea what you're talking about."

She stares me down for a moment, like words have failed her. And then, her hand comes up and she delivers a sharp slap to my face before stalking off back in the direction we came from.

I stand there for a second, shocked. And then I run after her because, hell, I work with this girl and I can_not_ leave things like this. And Emmett would kill me if I upset her which, evidently, I've done somehow. And, okay, maybe I like her a little bit. I catch her up in no time, but I do struggle to stay at her heel with the pace she's setting. "What the fuck, Bella? What the _hell_ was that for?"

She whips around and points a finger into my chest. "Stop it, okay? Just stop! With the fucking stories about drunken friends, and with these sincere little fucking smiles like you actually fucking care, and these innocent 'oh I'm not fucking cheating on my fucking wife because I'm Edward fucking Cullen and I can do what the fuck I fucking want to' faces and all this… fuck!" she shouts in frustration.

Right now, only two thoughts are going through my mind. Number one – Bella Swan has a potty mouth when she's mad and it's fucking hot as hell. Number two - … _what_? I grab Bella by her shoulders before she can storm off again and look into her eyes, my brows furrowed. "What do you mean cheating on my wife?"

She sighs. "I know you're married, Edward. Jessica checked it on your file ages ago. We _both_ knew it when I caught you two in that closet. I couldn't decide who was worse; her for knowing and continuing to let you do this stuff, or you for doing it in the first place. But now I know it's you because you'll just keep doing it again and again and again."

"No, no, Bella I…" I let out a laugh of disbelief. "I'm _not_ married."

"Yes you are," she says instantly, but she looks puzzled.

"No, trust me, I'm really not. I'm divorced."

She blinks. Once. Twice. Three times. "You're… what?"

"Divorced, I'm divorced. That's why I had a party, why my friends were drunk and decided to do this whole… thing! Because my divorce came through. Don't get me wrong, we've been separated ages, like more than a year – nearly two – but the official divorce only just came through because of… stuff, and so… yeah. That's why it would have been on my file that I was married. But I've been single for nearly two years." I laugh. "God, hell no. I'm not married. I wouldn't ever cheat on anyone."

Bella just stands there for a long while and then groans and plonks down on a garden wall behind her, burying her head in her hands. "Oh God," I hear her whimper.

I perch beside her. "It's okay. I… um… well, I mean, it's _not_. You still slapped me and all, but I guess I forgive you. I'd probably have done the same if I'd thought that."

"I'm so embarrassed right now," she mumbles through her arms.

I chuckle. "Don't be. It's fine. I'm just glad you're not bipolar."

She peeks through her arms at me, eyes narrowed adorably in confusion. "What?"

"Well, one minute you were giggling, the next you were slapping me. Confusing is the biggest understatement ever."

She finally lets her arms fall away and looks at me. "I'm so sorry," she says quietly.

"It's fine," I repeat.

"No, really. Christ, that was insane. I must have looked insane. I slapped you." She cringes. "I'm so sor-"

I lift my fingers and gently pinch her lips together. "I told you, it's okay. Now, misunderstandings aside, shall we just, you know, get on with this date?"

She stares at me. "You still want to?"

I answer with certainty. "Yes."

"Um… okay? Are we going back in there before the hot waiter chucks away our leftovers?" She gestures to La Bella Italia.

I glare at her. "Hot waiter?"

She grins and nudges my shoulder with her own. "Just kidding."

"Don't joke about stuff like that," I say darkly. "I'll forgive you for slapping me over a misunderstanding but that… well, I just don't know what to say to that." I shake my head in mock-disgust.

Bella giggles freely, without restraint, and the sound is beautiful and relieving. This is my Bella, not that bipolar, strange girl.

"And, to answer your question, no. Hell, no. I've got a much better idea. Come on." I stand up and offer her my hand.

She looks up at me, smiles and takes it, letting me help her up, and then we walk back the way we had initially been going. Starting again. After a moment of silence, I feel Bella's fingers casually tangle with mine. "I'm-"

"If you're going to say 'sorry', I'm going into that convenience store and buying some sello-tape for your mouth. Or maybe a stapler."

She laughs and squeezes my hand. "Okay."

But then, a few minutes later, when I've lead us off the high street and we're in a public park with no convenience stores in sight, she stops walking, tugging me to a stop as well. Then she loops her arms around my neck, gets up on her tip-toes and whispers, "Sorry," in my ear. But, before I can reprimand her, she giggles and places a delicate kiss on my cheek. Her own cheeks flame in response but there's a little smile on her full lips. And I love it.

Perhaps this date _can_ still be saved.

**#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#**

**Sooo… the truth's out! Sorta… ;) And… what's this? An early update? I know, right? :D Well, it's Edward Cullen's birthday and I had the chapter done so… what the hell, I think this means extra points to me?**

**For once, I don't really have anything to say but please let me know your thoughts! And please do feel free to guess 'Dickhead's real name ;)**

**OH! And I have a bit of the next chapter done already so if you want a sneak preview then let me know in a review and I'll see what I can do :)**

**Thank you so much!**

**-Steph :)**


	6. That's Because It's Raining, Dumbass

**Previously…**

_Bella and Edward met on their date, she – still under the impression that he was married – was a pain in the ass until he made them leave the restaurant when she confronted him outside about cheating on his wife and Edward revealed that he is, actually divorced and it ended up something like this:_

After a moment of silence, I feel Bella's fingers casually tangle with mine. "I'm-"

"If you're going to say 'sorry', I'm going into that convenience store and buying some sello-tape for your mouth. Or maybe a stapler."

She laughs and squeezes my hand. "Okay."

But then, a few minutes later, when I've lead us off the high street and we're in a public park with no convenience stores in sight, she stops walking, tugging me to a stop as well. Then she loops her arms around my neck, gets up on her tip-toes and whispers, "Sorry," in my ear. But, before I can reprimand her, she giggles and places a delicate kiss on my cheek. Her own cheeks flame in response but there's a little smile on her full lips. And I love it.

Perhaps this date _can_ still be saved.

**#x#**

_Yeah you stood there with me in the doorway,_

_My hands shake, I'm not usually this way but_

_You pull me in and I'm a little more brave,_

_It's a first kiss, it's flawless, really something;_

_It's fearless_

_**-Fearless, Taylor Swift **_**(Because, really, what's a story by me without a Taylor lyric within the first handful of chapters? Plus, this is perfect for the chapter ;))**

**Chapter 6 – That's Because It's Raining, Dumbass**

**Bella POV**

I watch, fascinated, as Edward converses in fluent Chinese with the owner of the small, secluded Chinese takeaway we are in. After the man – Tim, a rather boring name for a Chinese guy; I'd have preferred Chi or Cho or Chang, or something – says something, Edward grins his charming panty-dropping grin and says something in response at which Tim cracks up.

Edward glances over at me and there's a sparkle in his eye.

"What did you say?" I ask, feeling slightly left out.

But Edward just tapped his nose secretively.

Tim looks between us with a huge smile on his face, his head flicking in either direction like a cartoon character.

A few minutes – and much Chinese chattering – later, Tim's co-worker (who is also disappointingly not called Chi or Cho or Chang; her name is Kate) appears with our bag of food. Edward obviously says thank you and goodbye and grabs my hand, entwining it with his like it's second nature to him, as we leave the takeaway store. Just as he opens the door for us though, Tim calls after us, "Good luck Mr Edward!"

"Thanks," Edward replies with a smirk as I look at him confused.

I continue to look at him as we amble down the quiet, dark street.

"What?" Edward asks jovially when he notices.

"What was all that about? And how the hell do you know Chinese?" You can't blame me for sounding surprised; it's hardly a core subject taught at high school.

"Oh that," Edward says, waving his hand like it's nothing. "My parents used to take in foreign students and we had a really nice Chinese girl who taught me it when I was… what… eight?"

I feel my eyebrows shake hands with my hairline. "And you still remember it?"

"Yep. Well, I sort of re-taught myself last summer. I went there on holiday and had to re-learn some bits because I started to teach my… friend… how to speak it as well. He wasn't quite as good." Edward pauses for a second and then laughs once, shaking his head with a fond smile on his face. Remembering, I suppose.

"So what did you tell that Chinese guy in there?"

"What, Tim?"

I nod the affirmative.

"Well…" He drags out the word, looking a little shifty. "He said how pretty you are and there may have been a few misunderstandings leading him to believe that I intended to propose to you tonight-"

"Gah," I gasp, choking on nothing but shock.

"Don't worry, I won't," he assures me. "Honest to God, you can check my pockets. No way am I doing that just a few days after the divorce came through." He shudders. "Anyway, he offered to put the ring in a fortune cookie, like in the movies, and I told him not to because you'd probably eat it and choke and I'd be responsible for your death and that would be a great shame."

I shake my head. "You're ridiculous."

"Ah, but that's why you love me."

I just roll my eyes.

A few minutes later, Edward's led us to a secluded bit of grass, sort of trapped in a circle of plants and hedges and stuff. It's beautiful, wild flowers everywhere although they're barely visible in the very faded light, and, when I stop and listen hard enough, I can hear the trickle of a brook running by somewhere.

"This is really nice," I say genuinely.

"I know." Edward smiles. "It's a little like a place I used to go back home in California when I just wanted to escape." He sits down on the damp grass, removing his jacket and laying it out next to him for me to sit on. I shake my head at him, pick it up and pass it back to him, sitting beside him on the grass as he carries on speaking. "When I first moved here a little over a year ago, I didn't really want to be here. And when I found this place it was like… a connection of sorts. I don't know. This sounds stupid so I'll shut up."

"No it doesn't," I say. I hesitate and then ask, "Did you miss your… um… ex-wife?"

He laughs a little. "Not really. It's okay, Bella, you can ask questions or whatever. I'm not scarred by the entire experience." He snorts again at the idea and then looks embarrassed and it's sweet in a completely endearing way.

I'm relieved as he's relaxed some of my fears of asking about some kind of taboo topic for him. So, as Edward reaches for the dinner, bringing out some tea lights as well which we bought from a little shop, Edward obviously being aware that at half eight at night in September some light source would be needed, I ask less hesitantly, "What was it like?"

He glances over at me and then back down at the food as he removes some kind of meat in sauce from a bag. "What, getting divorced?"

"Yeah."

He shrugs. "I don't know, really. It just… happened."

"Didn't you love her?"

Edward sighs thoughtfully, pausing on the dinner for a second. "Yes, I did. We just fell out of love, I think."

"You can't fall out of love," I disagree. "Maybe you just thought you loved her?"

"You can fall out of love. I'm pretty sure I loved her. I wouldn't have married her if I wasn't certain. But… we grew apart. Disagreed on a few things and eventually it just got so that we weren't husband and wife anymore. We were just two people living in the same house, almost strangers, really."

I bite my lip. "So you just… split?"

Edward smirks at my confusion. "Yeah. It's not like in movies or soaps, you know, in real life. We didn't fight, didn't go to court demanding tons of money off of each other. We just agreed we wanted different things. We dragged it out a little, sure, but it wasn't… it didn't feel like a big thing. Just inevitable."

"Huh." We both sit in silence for a moment and then Edward starts getting the food out again. He gets each box out of its outer packaging and peels back the plastic lids letting the steam escape before pointing out what each one was to me. We help ourselves to food and then dig in, a comfortable silence falling between us once again. The Chinese food is a lot better than the seafood platter; Edward was right, I don't like seafood. Edward pours us each some wine from the bottle from _La Bella Italia_.

"So if you don't think you can fall out of love," Edward starts again after a little while, "does that mean you're still in love with all of your old boyfriends? Or did you just not date?"

"Ha!" I exclaim with a snort, not entirely unlike Edward's earlier. "I've only been in two serious relationships and both of those jerks cheated on me, so I think it's safe to say I'm not in love with either of them." I feel my cheeks heat instantly after my uncharacteristic outburst.

"Oh." Edward looks at me for a moment. "That explains why you felt so strongly about it, I guess."

"Yeah."

He reaches over and squeezes my hand on my thigh, smiling sympathetically. "For the record, I'm sorry. And I'd never do that. Ever."

"I know."

"But," he continues, "surely you must have loved them at some point?"

"No. I _thought_ I loved them, maybe. But I was wrong."

"That's ridiculous."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "How so?"

Edward puts down his food and turns so he's directly facing me, his knees touching mine. "Tell me something. What was the name of one of these guys?"

I narrow my eyes suspiciously, but answer anyway. "James."

"Okay. When you were with James, did you like being with him?"

"Yeah, but-"

"And your heart would race at the thought of him?"

I nod sceptically, wondering where this is going.

"And you stayed up late at night thinking about him, and every time you kissed it felt like you were meant to be there right next to him. And when he held you, you got that achy feeling in your chest and when he flirted with you, or said something to you – a private joke, maybe – you got butterflies in the bottom of your stomach. And when he touched you, you got shivers down your spine, and you'd think of your future together; all of the possibilities and the endlessness of forever?"

I stare at him. "How do you know that?"

"Simple; I've been in love. So have you. You can't 'think' all of that. It is. And then it isn't. It goes. Love happens, just not always for forever. That's why love is like… well, when you say that you love someone, you take a chance. Because people expect love to last forever and so when you say those three words you're taking that chance that the love might go away and it won't last forever. When you marry someone, you take the chance because – although you don't know that you'll love them forever – you hope that you will. You have so much hope. And you'll never know until you try."

I have never been rendered speechless by a guy before. A movie, book, even a song; sure. A guy? A normal man who I actually know? No way. But Edward has left me with no words. He must have loved this girl like… Jesus, like crazy. And there's a burning love still in his eyes that tells me he knows much more about the concept than I do; that makes me feel like a naive child; that makes me think he lied and he is still in love with his ex, no matter how platonic he says their relationship is now. But despite all of these thoughts running through my head, of all the questions I could have asked, I find myself blurting, "Are you gay?"

_Well done, Bella; romantic moment successfully ruined._

But Edward throws his head back and laughs. Laughs and laughs and laughs until he's crying. "No," he answers certainly after a moment. "No, I just know what I'm talking about." He laughs again.

I blush. "Sorry."

"It's okay."

We chat as we finish up the food and I suddenly find it a lot easier to reconcile the guy I'd been emailing with Edward from work. He really lets lose, joking and laughing and telling me all kinds of things. It isn't until much later when the moon is bright above us that he asks anything personal of me. We're lying side-by-side staring up at the stars dotting the sky. My fingers itch to reach out and entwine with his, lying just millimetres away but I hold them where they are.

"You really want to be a writer?" is the question that breaks the silence.

I move my head to the side and glance over at him only to see him staring intently at me, his green eyes smouldering in the dark. I sigh and look back up again. "Yeah. A lot, actually. It's kind of stupid how much I want something that's so hard to get."

"It's not stupid."

I smile at him. "Thanks. But it's easy to say that when everything's been handed to you on a platter."

"Not everything," he corrects me quietly. "There are a lot of things I want that I'll probably never get."

I don't believe that for a second; what doesn't he have that he can't buy? "Like what?"

"Well, getting more Chinese without moving sounds pretty good," he says in a serious voice.

"Men," I mutter with a roll of my eyes.

He laughs. "No, really. Keep at it." He sits up and looks down at me, his eyes soft and serious. "I think you can do it."

I sit up too because I feel slightly inferior and I don't like it. "Why would you think that? For all you know, my writing's completely shitty."

He pauses for a moment, as though he's wondering this himself too, and then he shrugs. "I just know."

Of course, an evening out in September in Seattle wouldn't be an evening out in September in Seattle without rain. When the drizzle turns to a torrential downpour at close to eleven o'clock, Edward and I decide to leave the little sort-of meadow. We try to run the way back through the forest but my little shoes have no grip at all so I slip and slide all over the place and Edward ends up hoisting me up on his back and piggy-backing me to the edge of the trees.

We walk through the park back to _La Bella Italia._ The streets are a lot quieter now, a lot of the shops and restaurants closed and barely anybody milling as there was earlier. I almost wish I had saved my slap for now while there is no one watching, but then I wouldn't have had the wonderful evening I did.

"Where do you live?" Edward asks as we slow our pace on the approach to the restaurant we ate at – or, rather, didn't eat at – earlier.

"A few blocks that way." I gesture in the direction of my apartment.

Edward's face breaks into a smile. "I'm staying with a friend who lives a few blocks that way, too. I'll walk with you."

"Now, Dr Cullen, you're not just saying that in the hope to get invited inside, are you?" I tease. Or is it flirting? Shit.

"Well, it's the least you can do after the evening I just supplied," he flirts right back. And then he tones it up a notch. "I mean look at you; you're already soaking wet."

I feel my steps falter and my mouth open a little.

Edward glances at me and laughs. "Don't have a response to _that_ now, do we?"

I flounder for some kind of hilarious remark, but the best I can come up with is, "That's because it's raining, dumbass," which just makes Edward laugh harder.

As he laughs I look up at his face through the rain. His hair is soaked through and appears a shade darker than usual, the usually wild locks pasted to his forehead until he ruffles them with his hand and they become wild again. His grin is slightly crooked, one side just a little higher than the other and his jaw muscles stretch deliciously making me want to lick it. His gorgeous green eyes sparkle, smoulder, shine and every other bloody clichéd 's' word used to describe eyes in the dictionary, except it's can't possibly be clichéd because I've never seen anything like it. Just like I've never felt anything like the tingles I'm getting in my belly right now. _What is he doing to me?_

We walk for a bit in silence, and it isn't long before my fingers reach out and find his of their own accord. But it's okay because he lets me link our hands and I feel much less edgy when his smooth touch meets mine – although I certainly hadn't noticed the edginess until it was gone.

As we walk, I ponder what this means. By no means was this a regular date so I think it's an unspoken assumption that we won't be doing this again. Which wouldn't be confusing. Not at all. It wouldn't have been confusing because I would have been here by mistake, wrongly put him in his place, realised the truth and then proceeded to have a good evening with him and then not meet up under these conditions again. Perhaps we'd laugh about it later, even. But it is confusing. And the only thing which makes it confusing is that tingly feeling that starts in my palm, where we're connected, and runs up my arm to warm my whole body. I like it. No, scratch that, I _love_ it. And that little mental admission opens up to a whole lot more. I want to hold him. And I want to kiss him. I want to feel his body wrapped around mine, his hands on the small of my back pressing me into him. I want to feel his naked chest against mine, skin to skin, heart to heart. I want to go to sleep with his arm around my waist and I want to wake up beside him.

I want all of this so much, so suddenly, right there that I become hot all over and can't think straight. This is so not good. It was fairly easy to reign in my inappropriate lust over him at work where he's an asshole who pays more attention to my ass than my existence, but this… this is something else altogether. He's been a gentleman all evening; handsome, smart, witty… divorced. And now I'm not just lusting over him, I'm… what? I'm not in love with him, I can't be. I barely know the guy aside from this one evening. So does that leave this as just a schoolgirl-type crush? Or can it not be labelled?

"Bella?" Edward's voice interrupts my wildly inappropriate thoughts.

I glance up at him, but can't look at him without becoming worried that he can read my mind, so turn my gaze away again immediately. "Yeah?"

He chuckles and the sound makes my heart skip a beat. Oh dear lord. I've been through puberty once; please don't make me relive this. "I just asked what road you live on."

"Oh." I look around at our surroundings, before realising where we are. I stop and meet his curious gaze. "Shit, we've missed it."

Edward raises an eyebrow. "Deep in thought, huh?"

"You could say that."

"Must've been some thought."

"Must've," I agree, but don't elaborate.

Eventually, we make it back to my road. I stop us outside of my apartment block and it becomes sort of awkward for the first time in the evening. Well, the first time since after I realised he wasn't actually cheating on his inexistent wife. "Well, this is me," I say, reluctantly dropping his hand and dipping my own inside my pocket where I nervously flex my fingers.

"Okay." Edward looks up at the building, letting the rain fall in his face. He looks like some sort of God. And fuck if I'm not joining whatever religion has him as its God. He looks back down again after a second and grins. "Well, I suppose I'll see you at work or something, then?"

"Yeah, I suppose." Suddenly I'm struck by a sense of desperation I've not felt before. I know that the date's over now, that after this we're back to being work colleagues and nothing more. He'll call me 'sweet ass' again and I'll only get to speak to him during spur-of-the-moment visits to Chuck E Cheese. And perhaps it's this realisation that makes me say, "Do you want to come up?"

Edward blinks at me, looking taken aback for a second.

"I mean, you could, like, dry off or something. Or have a coffee? Or wine! I have wine, and coffee. Or tea, if you want. Even iced tea. Although I don't really like tea so I'm not sure why I have some but I do if you want some. Actually, I lie, I think my mom brought it back from England when she went on holiday there because she thinks I do like it and… well, you know what moms are like, they never really listen to you about things like… that… um… yeah." I trail off, biting my lip nervously because he's watching me with an amused smirk and a quirked eyebrow and I think I've just really, _really_ made a prat of myself.

He laughs a little and then says, "Uh… I won't. But thank you."

"Okay."

The disappointment in my voice is apparently as obvious to him as it is to me as he quickly adds, "Not that I don't want to, I just… my friend lives literally like two blocks down and it's nearly midnight and… it's just quicker. Maybe some other time?"

I have to push back the hope that rises in my chest as I chant to myself _platonic, platonic, platonic…_ "Sure, no problem." I pause, awkwardly wringing my hands together and then say, "Well, see you around."

"Yeah. Bye." We both wait a second longer, him for me to go inside and me for him to leave. Or perhaps just waiting for him to change his mind, I don't know. And then we kind of give each other small, forced smiles and turn away. I walk up the steps to the porch shelter of the apartment block and then turn around and stand there as I watch him walk away for a moment.

Then, I sigh and enter the code to get inside, deciding not to watch him walk entirely to the end of the road because it's pathetic and needy and we're not even on a real date. The elevator's broken so I traipse up the stairs, dripping water as I go, and let myself into my apartment. I drop my bag on the floor just inside the door and kick off the soaked shoes I was cursing just a little while back. I switch the kettle on and then go through to the bedroom, stripping wet clothes from my body as I do and sigh when I see my bed piled high with clothes. Why do I always leave it like this?

I slip easily into a pair of boy shorts and my old grey (it used to be white) high school hoodie, not even bothering with a bra since I know I'll just be changing again after my coffee anyway, and throw my wet hair into a ponytail. But then, just as I begin to tackle the mountain of clothes on my bed, there's a soft rap at the door. I frown at my reflection in the wardrobe mirror in confusion before figuring it must be Rose or Alice wanting to know how bad I tortured Edward, apparently unable to wait until tomorrow. Boy would they be disappointed.

"It's not what you think guys," I yell as I walk towards the door, "I didn't-" But I shut up when I swing the door open and my eyes meet green. "Oh."

Edward raises an eyebrow as I stand aside and let him in. "You're expecting visitors? At-" he glances at his wrist "-five minutes to midnight." And then his eyes rake over my redressed body, but he wisely remains silent.

I shut the door and shrug, pretending not to notice how his eyes linger on my braless chest while my insides are exploding with lustful joy. "I only have two friends so who else would it be?"

"I see." His smirk is way too smug for my liking.

"What do you want?"

The smirk dissolves at that, replacing itself with a slightly nervous smile. "I forgot to give you something."

I frown. "What?"

He takes a tiny step closer and whispers, "This." And then, he steps even closer. His body is a millimetre away from mine and mine is buzzing at that fact. He reaches up and his palm cradles my chin and he bends his head down and I realise what he's doing a split-second before his soft, perfect lips connect with my own and I melt. I let him push me slowly back up against my wall and accost my mouth with his own, his lips moulding around mine applying a pressure so gentle and then so hard. My eyelids flutter shut and I writhe against his wet body, my hands – which were lifeless against my side – reaching out and grasping the bottom of his shirt in fists, tugging him even closer and making him groan lightly. I feel his tongue prod gently at my lips and I let him in without hesitance. He tastes like rain and faintly of sweet and sour sauce from earlier and he is the best kisser I've ever had the pleasure of kissing.

His earlier comment about me being soaking wet works in both contexts now.

After what feels like nowhere near long enough, I break away for air. I totally intended to go back for more, but Edward steps backwards, displaying an impressive amount of self control. He's still close enough that my fists are still tied up in the bottom of his wet shirt as we pant lightly, speechless. Until Edward clears his throat. "Um…"

I feel my cheeks heat. "Um."

"I really will… go… now," he says.

"Okay."

"And I won't come back this time."

"Okay."

His eyes drift to my lips. "And I won't… um… you know. Assault you again."

"Right." _Shit. _"I mean, no, it's fine. No, I mean, it's really more than fine. It was nice… great… um… ugh! Thank you. For coming back, I mean."

"It's okay."

"Okay."

We both stand very still for a long, long time. And then Edward says, "See you, Bella."

"Yeah… see you… Edward."

But still he doesn't leave. He waits a moment and then looks pointedly down towards the ground. "Do you think you could maybe let go of my shirt?"

I release my clenched fists and wince as the blood rushes through them again. "Sure! Yes, of course! I'm sorry."

"No problem." He takes another step back and then a deep breath. "Okay. Bye."

"Yeah. See you."

"Night."

"Goodnight."

He smiles one last time and then he's gone, the door shut behind him. I lean back against the wall, weak in the knees, breathless and absolutely unable to think coherently.

_Holy mother of fish paste. That man sure knows how to kiss a girl senseless._

**#x#**

I am rudely awakened the next morning by an insistent knocking on my front door. Knowing who it'll be, I reluctantly drag myself out of bed and answer the door in my pyjamas with bed hair and a fuzzy mouth and annoying but bearable headache.

Rose pushes past me as soon as I open the door, letting herself in before I can tell her to piss off, and Alice follows quickly after.

"So?" Rose demands straight away.

I frown. The world is still blurry and my head is still spinning. "Um… coffee?" I offer because God knows I need one.

"Bella!" they whine together in the same tone and everything.

I sigh and lead the way through my apartment, switching the kettle on and turning around to lean against the surface and look at them. "It's not what we thought, guys."

"What? Do you mean you didn't torture the shit out of that boy?" Rose predictably asks.

I decide to just come out with it. "He's not married."

"What?" Again, said in unison.

"I kind of made an idiot of myself. I did the whole order the most expensive thing on the menu thing – even though I don't like seafood, so God knows why I'd like a seafood platter – and the waiter was all flirty which was an unexpected bonus because Edward got really pissed off at that. And then he saw through me right away. Like that." I snap my fingers. "And he just called the waiter over and we had barely touched it and paid the bill and said he was going to make it a good date, not so awkward."

"But how did you find out he wasn't married then?" Alice asks, looking confused.

"And are you _sure_ he's not bullshitting you?" Rose; ever the cynic.

"_Yes_. At least, I'm pretty sure. But he was telling me how his friends put the thing on eBay and he carried on with it because he had – quote – 'nothing to lose'. And I got sort of angry and started yelling at him and I maybe slapped him…" I pause to take in Alice's shock and Rose's smug happiness. "And… well… then he told me that… that he's actually, um, divorced. Has been for, like, two years…"

There's a long silence. Then Rose says, "Are you shitting me?"

I shake my head.

"He's _not_ married?"

"No."

Rose looks really disappointed. "But… torturing him was going to be fun! I had so many ideas!"

I sigh. "Yeah, well, sorry Rose but I'm definitely not torturing someone who doesn't deserve our wrath."

"But-"

I shoot her a look.

Rose glares right back, but then gives in. "Fine. We won't torture the guy." She flops down on my sofa, a speculative look on her face.

"What, Rose?" I say through my teeth; I know that look too well.

"Nothing."

Alice and I look at each other and then back at Rose. As I pour the coffees I repeat my question.

"It's just… two years? He's been divorced two years and it's only just come through? That's a little weird, don't you think?"

"He said that he knew they dragged it out, but-" I pause, trying to remember the reason he had given me for his long divorce. But I can't. _Had_ he even given one at all? I shake my head; now I'm being paranoid, just like Rose. "But he'd tell me if there was something weird about it."

"Are you sure?" Alice chips in now, sounding concerned. A glance up at her face confirms her worry.

"Yes. He's… too nice to do that."

Rose scoffs loudly and reaches for a magazine on my coffee table, flicking through it in a casual way that clearly ends this conversation. But Alice comes to my side and puts a reassuring hand on my arm as she says, "We just want you to be careful, Bella. Don't go falling for someone who'll hurt you again."

"Yeah, I think I've had enough of that," I agree with a small smile.

"Enough to last you a lifetime." Alice giggles. "But, Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not falling for him already, are you?"

I look up, into her crystal blue eyes and think. I think of his adorable snort-laugh, his sparkling eyes and his incredible lips. And I think of his perfect description of what love is and how it feels and how I'm beginning to get those butterflies he had mentioned just thinking of him, and how it _did_ feel like I was meant to be sandwiched between him and the wall when he kissed me.

And then I blink, and laugh, turning away from Alice. "Already?" I ask, trying to force laughter into my voice. "No. Not at all."

**#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#**

**Ahhh… I think I lose a few points this time. But not without valid reason! I've been away on a writing course in Cambridge because I'm that good (it's a pretty impressive thing, this, so do look appreciative ;)), and then the last week has been full of watching Harry Potter; I have a friend who's pretty obsessed so I've been to see several at the cinema with her blah blah blah, including the new one at midnight. It WAS amazing though so yes :) I didn't dress up because it would have felt like a crime against Twilight, but I do like both. Oh, and Laura conveniently got me obsessed with One Tree Hill. Honest to God I've seen like 12 episodes in about 5 days… OH! And I failed my driving test, yay me. But I did a lot of (what turned out to be worthless) prep for that too. So it's been a busy few weeks for me and if I'd have known it would take this long I would have just posted what I had before I'd gone away when you still knew what was going on :/ But never mind. And this A/N is far too long already.**

**I don't know if I've already mentioned this but there is a photo on my facebook of Finn so if you haven't seen it, go check it out :) There's a link to the account on my page.**

**Now, I hope you liked the chapter and all the cuteness (and the KISS!) that resides within it ;) I can't offer teasers this time because (unsurprisingly) I haven't written any yet but I will reply to those that I can and I hope that doesn't stop you reviewing haha :P**

**If you want to talk my ear off as I have yours… have any of you done anything cool these last few weeks? Any more failed driving tests or strong opinions on HP? Believe it or not, I do care ;)**

**Thanks so much again guys!**

**-Steph**


	7. Amen To That

**Previously… (since it's been a while, I'll do an overview)**

Bella thought Edward was married and cheating on his wife with Jessica Stanley and flirting with her so despised him after being cheated on twice. During a drunken birthday party with friends Alice and Rosalie, they bet on an ad placed on ebay for a man selling himself for a date; coincidentally the man was Edward and the ad was placed also during a drunken party to celebrate his recent divorce. Bella decided not to reveal herself or cancel the date so she could mess with him only to find out during their first extremely awkward date that Edward was, in fact, not married but divorced. She did slap him before she knew this. Oh, and they shared a rather hot make out session in Bella's apartment.

And the end of the last chapter went somewhat like this:

_Alice giggles. "But, Bella?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"You're not falling for him already, are you?"_

_I look up, into her crystal blue eyes and think. I think of his adorable snort-laugh, his sparkling eyes and his incredible lips. And I think of his perfect description of what love is and how it feels and how I'm beginning to get those butterflies he had mentioned just thinking of him, and how it __did__ feel like I was meant to be sandwiched between him and the wall when he kissed me._

_And then I blink, and laugh, turning away from Alice. "Already?" I ask, trying to force laughter into my voice. "No. Not at all."_

**#x#**

_In your ocean I'm ankle deep, I feel the waves crashing on my feet_

_It's like I know where I need to be, but I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out_

_Just how much air I will need to breathe, when your tide rushes over me_

_There's only one way to figure out, will you let me drown, yeah will you let me drown?_

_**-Something Beautiful - NEEDTOBREATHE**_

**One Plus One**

**Chapter 7 – Amen To That**

**Edward POV**

I realise how stupid I've been at about the same time I enter the elevator in Jasper's apartment block. A sinking feeling hits me as the elevator goes up and I push a hand through my hair. I've been officially divorced for little over a week and I'm already kissing another girl? And liking it. And wanting more. And liking _her_. Oh, and let's not forget that we work together. And I kissed her. Hell, I went _back_ to kiss her! That's gonna complicate things at work, if nothing else.

I watch the numbers flicker up and think back in time to when I had been walking away from Bella. I still don't know quite what prompted me to go back, but the only way I can describe it is… well, it was like a string was pulling me back to her. Her in her old hoodie, long legs and wet hair. Even like that, she seemed beautiful.

I sigh as I walk down the hallway to Jasper's apartment and quietly slip the spare key in the door, in case he's sleeping. I needn't have bothered though because, when I get in I see him sat on the sofa watching TV and drinking beer. And he's not alone.

"Eddie boy!" Emmett exclaims as I shut and lock the door behind me, twisting his whole body round. I can already tell he's drunk. "How'd it go with super-sexy mystery lady?"

I look over his shoulder to raise an eyebrow at Jasper, but he just shrugs and otherwise doesn't help me. So I look back to Emmett. "It was okay." And then I head towards the kitchen and open the fridge to grab a beer; if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

"C'mon, man! It's past midnight!" Emmett whines like a little girl.

"So?"

"So there's gotta be some sort of story! You got laid, didn't you? How was she?"

"And was she even a brunette?" Jazz adds, knowing my preference for darker-haired girls.

I flop down on the sofa next to Jazz. "No, I didn't sleep with her; yes, she's a brunette."

Emmett jumps over the back of the couch and lands the other side of me, sandwiching me between them. "What have you been doing all this time then? Doing a crossword?"

"Har. Har. No. We talked."

"Sounds like you grew a pussy. What's up with that, man? Talking? About what?"

"Tanya, mostly. She was under the impression that I was married."

"Why?" Jazz asks.

"Because I was. And because Jessica Stanley has been telling people that I am, which is a lie even though it's the truth." I take a gulp of beer.

Em's face screws up in confusion. "How does she know Jessica Stanley?"

I just raise an eyebrow at him. A few seconds pass and then he gasps and I nod and take another sip of beer.

"What?" Jasper looks incredibly confused. "Who's Jessica Stanley?"

"Bitch at work," Em tells him before turning to me. "So we work with this chick?"

"You could say that," I say.

"What's her name? I might know her."

"You might do, I guess," I say. "Her name's Isabella Swan. Prefers to go by Bella."

Jazz gasps because, while he doesn't know Bella, he's certainly heard of her. But Emmett – Emmett who I almost expected sympathy from – throws his head back and howls with laugher. "Whew. There must've been a helluva lot of sexual tension on that date. I _knew _she was into you, man."

I shoot him a side glance. "Her coming on this date doesn't mean she's into me." I have to look away then because her response to my kiss certainly implied that there was something there for her.

"Like hell it doesn't; she paid for the evening with you."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, because she thought I was married and selling myself on eBay. She was gonna piss me around."

"She told you that?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Well, then, what makes you think she'd have gone through with it?"

"She would have done. Trust me. She doesn't like me like that, Emmett." Instantly, I think of the kiss and wonder what that meant if I was wrong and she did like me like that. But then I remember that we were both a little tipsy and attraction can make you do crazy things. Maybe she's attracted to me, sure, but she doesn't like me like… like _that_.

Em studies me for a moment and then leans across and whispers something into Jasper's ear. They have a full-on little girly whisper-chat and then Emmett sits back up, crosses his arms and looks me in the eye. "Fine. You're right. She doesn't like you like that."

I wait for the catch and, when it doesn't come, narrow my eyes. "But…?"

Emmett smirks. "How much money would you be willing to put on that?"

I roll my eyes. "This is ridiculous."

"No," Jasper says, "date her. Ask her out a few times, have sex with her and see if she leaves. Emmett and I bet you a hundred dollars that she'll leave. Each."

I stare at them, confused. "What? But I'm the one saying that she'll leave."

"Yeah, but if we bet she'll stay you can quite easily act like an ass to push her away so that you win."

I think about it. "So… what you're saying is… if I date her and keep her for… what, three months? Then you'll give me a hundred dollars?"

Jasper nods and Emmett adds, "A hundred dollars _each_."

I pretend to contemplate it for a few more minutes and then smirk at the both of them. "Nice try, guys, but I'm so not falling for that one." I drained the rest of my beer and stood up to go to bed.

"How about if we bet that you could date her but not fall for her yourself?" Jazz stopped me.

"I wouldn't fall for her, man."

"Not even if you dated her for three months."

I laugh, and I'm more certain of my own feelings than Bella's. "No way. I don't plan on falling for anyone any time soon." Which I don't. She's attractive, but that's lust. It's a completely different emotion.

"So if we bet you a hundred dollars each that you couldn't date her for three months without falling for her you would say…?"

"Two hundred dollars? For three months?"

Jasper nods and starts to agree, but then Emmett says, "No. However much a plane ticket for Finn costs. Closer to four hundred, right?"

This time, I'm not pretending to consider it. I sigh. "This is so unethical but… fine. I'll see what I can do about getting her to date me."

When Emmett and Jasper high five I add, "This does not mean that I like her like that, nor does it mean that you have won."

"It certainly does mean both of those things," Emmett argues.

"Does not. Goodnight." I walk towards Jasper's spare room which is my room for the night. I opened the door to go inside my room and spend the rest of the night peacefully asleep, but not before I heard Emmett say, "Does so."

**#x#**

The night before my next shift at work, I barely get any sleep at all. I'm too busy worrying about what I'm going to say to Bella the next day, whether I'm going through with this bet, how she'll respond to any more forwardness. But, it turns out, all of that worrying is for nothing; she isn't in. Emmett is, though, and he tells me smugly that he saw her the day before at the store. He pretends to feel sorry for me when he tells me that when he asked if she'd done anything good at the weekend she had said no. I tell him to shut up and stop being stupid, of course it doesn't hurt my feelings, I'm not even surprised.

But I am. Surprised and hurt. And that only leads to another sleepless night wondering why I'm surprised and hurt that she didn't tell Emmett about her date. I contemplate emailing her and asking but decide against it because that would come off as clingy and pathetic and I don't want her thinking that I'm either of those.

As it turns out, the next time I see Bella is at the end of a very long, incredibly gruelling night shift a few days later. I've been at the hospital for at least ten hours – I should have finished two hours ago but it's been crazy – and I'm running on coffee and adrenaline, bleary-eyed and keyed up. I go to reception to get a patient's records and then – so long as no one pages me in the mean time – can go home.

When I reach the desk I lean against it and pinch the bridge of my nose, eyes shutting automatically as I say, "Can I please get the record for a Mr Joe Wilkins ASAP?"

There's a pause and then a familiar voice says, "Uh… sure."

My eyes snap open instantly and I watch as a red-faced Bella gets up and goes to a filing cabinet behind her. I instantly wonder what to say because I'm so exhausted that I'm not entirely sure that anything I attempt to tell her will be coherent, and end up shutting my eyes again and pretending that I don't know it's her; trying to speak with the intent of winning her over in this state will most likely have the opposite effect.

After a moment, she clears her throat. I open my eyes and take the papers without meeting her eyes, marking the treatment we'd just administered to Mr Wilkins so that the doctor whose shift it was meant to be right now would be aware of it.

"Edward?" she asks shyly after a moment. "Are you okay?"

I cringe to myself because this was just what I'd been trying to avoid but look up after a moment and meet her pretty, pretty eyes. "Yeah, I'm okay."

She purses her lips and nods.

I finish up writing on the form and hand it back to her. "Thanks," I say and then head into the office down the corridor to clock out. Once I've clocked out I head for the exit, hesitate and then turn back. I go to the reception desk and say, "Bella?"

She looks up. "Yes?"

I take a deep breath and then, for God knows what reason, mumble, "?"

She blinks. "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

"I just… wondered… would you like to… well you know… like… gofor dinner… again. Maybe." I pause for a half second and then add, "Not that you have you. You really don't have to, it's entirely not compulsory I just thought it might be quite nice because the other night was fun and you know-"

"Like a date?" she asks, seeming confused.

And then I realise I've just asked her out on a date. What am I doing? So, because my sheer stupidity has rendered me speechless, I just nod.

She hesitates, and that moment of hesitation tells me everything I need to know, so I speak before she can. "That's fine. Don't worry about it. Just forget I ever said that, I'm so tired and I don't really know what I'm saying. Come to think of it, I was kind of drunk the other night too, so just… disregard everything. You know. It's not… none of it meant anything. Goodbye Bella." And I turn and walk out.

I am such a moron.

**#x#**

I mentally berate myself for hours and hours about that incident and my mood is then worsened by Tanya calling to tell me that she can't afford for Finn to come and visit until she gets her next pay check – in three weeks. I offer to pay for both of their flights – I'd go without food for a fortnight if it meant I could see my son again – but she said something vague about being too busy. And the worst thing is that I can't do anything about it.

It's about now that I realise that this bet is more important than ever. If I win, the money I get from the guys might not go towards a plane ticket but the more money made available to me, perhaps I can bribe Tanya to cancel one of her strange 'plans' to come and stay in an all-expense-paid luxury hotel.

The next evening, I go to Jasper's, needing to talk to someone about the Bella situation and knowing that Emmett would just laugh.

"What's up, man?" Jazz asks once we've mumbled our way through greetings and sat down on his couch with beers.

I'm quiet for a moment contemplating how to approach this topic. "Well… you know Bella?"

"Yeah. Well, not personally, but yeah."

"I made a bit of an ass of myself with her last night and now I don't know if she'll even bite at all for this bet thing."

"Oh." Jasper wrinkles his nose, but doesn't look away from the golf that's playing muted on his television. Yes, golf. "What did you do?"

I stare down at the floor for a moment and then admit, "Well, I asked her out on a date."

"Uh huh. Nothing wrong so far."

"And she looked like she was going to say no so I sort of… well… I guess I told her I didn't know what I was doing and the kiss the other night didn't mean anything. Which isn't gonna make her want to date me again." I'm distracted for a moment thinking about how this seems pretty bad even without the factor of the bet.

Then I notice that Jasper's eyes have moved from the television and he is staring at me, appearing shocked. "What?" I ask. Surely it wasn't that bad?

"You kissed her?"

_Oops._ "Didn't I tell you that bit?" It's coming back to me now, though. Of course I didn't tell them that I had kissed Bella; Emmett would've had a field day.

Jazz shakes his head slowly. "Um, no."

"Well… there you go. I kissed her and now have told her that it didn't mean anything."

Fully interested now, Jazz winces slightly. "That's never good. They get real sensitive if you tell them something means nothing." He pauses. "Did it really mean nothing?"

I open my mouth to respond with a categorical 'of course it meant nothing' lie, but he interrupts before I can. "And remember a kiss never means nothing."

I narrow my eyes. "So if I say 'no, it did not mean anything'…?"

"Yeah, you're lying. I can tell." He takes a gulp of his beer and watches me with his grey-blue eyes. "So you do like her?"

I sigh, regret coming already.

"Come on, Edward, I'm not gonna tell Emmett. I know what a pain in the ass he can be with these things."

I nod, remembering the time that Jasper had admitted to crushing on a girl in the building he worked at when I had first moved here just over a year ago now. He had said something about her being cute, pixie-like, and having all these feelings when he was in the same room as her – even though she never looked at him. And who could blame her, he had said. He was a computer technician, a geek, and she was the assistant manager for crying out loud! "Okay," I give in. "Yes, it meant something. It felt like… well, it felt incredible." I think about what I said to Bella in the field; those butterflies, that achy chest feeling… all of it had been right there as I pressed her against the wall having to use every last ounce of my self-restraint not to grind against her in an obscene manner. "But I don't know what it meant."

We're both quiet then for a while, drinking our beer, watching the golf highlights, deep in thought. Eventually Jasper says, "I do. Know what it means. And I think you do as well."

"What?"

His gaze meets mine in a level stare until I sigh and nod. "Yeah. I'm gonna lose this bet, aren't I?"

Jasper nods as well. "Damn right."

"And Emmett's gonna brag about it forever."

"Yep." He pops the 'p' at the end of the word.

"Great."

Again the silence falls and we drink and watch and think. Until Jasper breaks it saying, "Well, I don't mind giving you my part of the money regardless of what happens. I didn't have a dad growing up and Finn's too cool for that to happen to him."

I smile; bearing in mind that I've only known Jasper for a year or so (I met him through Emmett once I moved here) that's pretty damn generous. "Thanks, man. That's really nice."

"No problem." He pauses and then grins at me. "Plus, I hate that bitch and her smarmy dick of a boyfriend."

I laugh and reach my bottle out. He touches his to mine with a clink as I say, "Amen to that."

**#x#**

The next time I go into work, I've thought everything over really carefully. I need to make things up with Bella and date her. If I can do the three months without falling for her, great. If I can do the three months and give Emmett the impression that I haven't fallen for her, also great. If I do the three months and _do_ fall head over heels in love with her (as much as this scares me I won't rule it out, just in case) then at least I'm prepared for the worst. I at least need to make it up to her on professional grounds anyway.

I'm feeling optimistic so when I come to the first gap in my busy schedule I immediately make my way to reception, but get paged away just as I arrive on the correct floor. I go to find her during my coffee break, only to find that she's gone for lunch. And then, as luck would have it, I'm swamped with work for the next few hours. When I'm finally free to take a break I do find her, but she's in the office, clocking out to go home.

I stand silently behind her, waiting for her to finish clocking out. She turns and gasps in surprise when she sees me standing there, her hand flying to her chest.

"Sorry," I say instantly. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine, you didn't," she replies softly, but her stance instantly transforms to the defensive and she seems… wary of me. She eyes me with trepidation. "What do you want?"

I wring my hands together. As we stand there awkwardly, I realise what a far cry this is from just a few weeks – hell, one week! – before when I'd call her 'sweet ass', she'd scowl adorably and then accompany Emmett and I to Chuck E Cheese.

When she snaps, "Well?" I realise that I've maybe been standing there silently for too long.

"I… um… I just wanted to apologise for what I said the other day. I was really, _really_ tired and I didn't mean it _at all_," I stammer. My palms are sweaty for some reason.

Bella's beautiful dark eyes appraise me. There are dark shades underneath them, like she hasn't been getting an awful lot of sleep either and I feel bad for her. Eventually she shrugs her shoulders slightly. "It's fine, we all say and do things we don't mean. I understand." She smiles weakly and I can tell she's just doing it to be polite. "See you round, Edward." And she walks past me towards the door.

"Wait, Bella," I say, turning as well.

She looks back but doesn't speak.

"Are um… are we still friends?"

For some reason, she finds this funny and laughs a little. "We were friends?"

That confuses me and I feel my brow furrow. "Well… yeah."

Her eyebrows crease in confusion as well. "Whatever," she says after a moment. "Maybe I'll see you tomorrow."

I'm not working tomorrow but I don't tell her that. Instead I decide to try again with the asking her out thing. She seems to have accepted my apology okay, even if she seems a little stand-offish and upset. Maybe that's the way to properly make it up to her. "Well… do you maybe want to-?" Before I can ask, I'm cut off by the incessant beeping of my pager. I sigh exasperatedly and pat myself down until I find it clipped to the top of my trousers on my right hip, where I hit a button to shut it up. "Sorry," I say, looking back up at her only to find that she's gone and I'm just staring at the back of a closed door.

**#x#**

"She hates me, I just know it!" I rant to Jasper on the phone later that day. The microwaves warming a package of microwavable spaghetti bolognaise and I've already downed two beers out of sheer depression. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Well," Jasper says, "I suppose that really depends on why you're upset. Are you upset because you want to win this bet or because you want her to like you?"

I consider that for a second and then shake my head and begin pacing. "Both, I guess. I mean, I certainly don't want her to hate me. She kissed me back goddammit! She invited me up, she was coming back for more, she didn't want me to leave, how could she go from that to this?"

"Edward, just calm down, she probably doesn't hate you. Maybe she had a hard day like you did the other day and you caught her at a bad moment, did you consider that?"

I stop pacing, feeling a little stupid. "Well… no."

"See? It'll be fine. But if you want to impress her, do something grand and romantic. Girls like that. Just send her flowers or something; it takes more effort than just cornering her in the office at work and I'm sure she'll appreciate it."

Jasper's words set my mind ticking and I feel a smile come on to my face. "I know where she lives," I tell him.

A confused pause echoes from his end of the line. "Uh, good for you."

"No, could I take flowers round?"

"I guess so."

"Okay, I have a plan."

Jasper laughs at my excitement. "Good, go get her then."

"Oh I will," I assure him. After the microwave buzzes, signalling that my dinner is done, I end my conversation with Jasper, eat my dinner and go to bed feeling optimistic once again.

If everything goes according to plan then I can get Bella to stop hating me and go out with me instead. Then I can get money from Emmett and, if I save up enough, maybe even persuade Tanya into letting me keep Finn for the whole summer when it comes around.

All I have to do is not fall in love with Isabella Swan.

**#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#**

**MAJOR apologies for the delay, I know, it's really bad. I don't really know what I can say… life's just been calling I guess :/**

**In story-related news, you will (hopefully) be pleased to hear that I have written out a massive long plan for this and have a clear idea of where it's going and I hope to have it updated regularly again because… well, I forget how fun fanfic is when I'm not writing it :) But please continue to pester me, I honestly don't mind. It's my favourite kind of motivation ;)**

**In other news… those who have booked their tickets for Breaking Dawn put your hands up ;) *raises hand* I booked mine literally the first day you could and I'm not just going to see BDP1. I'm not even just going to see it at midnight. I am going (*insert drumroll here*) to a TWIATHLON with one of my best friends where we shall sit in the cinema for about 8 hours watching Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and BD at midnight back-to-back! I'm so excited, honestly :D Any of you guys have epic BD plans? Oh, and opinions on the whole Robsten "my boyfriend is English" debacle; I could go on about that forever.**

**On top of that (if you don't care about my life please skip the remaining bit, Idm) I passed my driving test and turned 18 in the same week which was pretty awesome :D Thanks so much for the birthday wishes on facebook; I had the most amazing day :) My auntie and uncle actually had t-shirts made which had 'Steph's 18****th****, 27****th**** October 2011, The Breaking Dawn of Adulthood' written on them and we all (there were 12 of us) went down to Land's End wearing them. It was so much fun 3**

**This feels really one-sided so if anything interesting has happened to you, let me know :) It'll make me feel better for these awfully-long A/Ns haha :P**

**I think I need some kind of discussion board for this stuff :L Actually, that's not a bad idea. If any of you have the knowledge of how I can set up a thread for this story please let me know and we can have a go…**

**Anyway, I shall shut up. I will hopefully have the next chapter posted in the next fortnight (and I mean it this time) and I look forward to hearing about your BD plans ;)**

**Please leave a review! Even just a little one?**

**-Steph x**


	8. Of course Dr Edward Cullen doesn't

**Quick A/N: There are bits of this chapter that were in the last chapter and I know how annoying that is but B&E have such differing viewpoints I had to do it really. I don't really know what happened to this chapter – it did go mildly insane, as you can probably tell by the chapter title; in a good way… a bit like BD. Gosh. Loved it. Thoughts at the bottom in a predictably long A/N ;)**

**Previously… (EPOV)**

"Could I take flowers round?"

"I guess so."

"Okay, I have a plan."

Jasper laughs at my excitement. "Good, go get her then."

"Oh I will," I assure him. After the microwave buzzes, signalling that my dinner is done, I end my conversation with Jasper, eat my dinner and go to bed feeling optimistic once again.

If everything goes according to plan then I can get Bella to stop hating me and go out with me instead. Then I can get money from Emmett and, if I save up enough, maybe even persuade Tanya into letting me keep Finn for the whole summer when it comes around.

All I have to do is not fall in love with Isabella Swan.

**#x#**

_I'm dragging and I'm bleeding, I'm begging and I'm pleading_

_Cos I thought you had another, and you cannot have another lover_

_I don't believe in a'loving with a ball and chain, cos I feel how it cripples me inside_

_I thought you were a'cheating, I couldn't bear you leaving_

_Now I know you didn't do it, I need you to believe me when I say_

_I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it_

_When I said I didn't mean it baby, I didn't mean it_

_**-I Didn't Mean It, The Belle Brigade**_** (Naturally obsessed with the BD soundtrack right now… it's crazy good, especially this song, Christina Perri and The Features)**

**One Plus One**

**Chapter 8 – **_**Of course**_** Dr Edward Cullen does not spent his sleepless nights debating the pros and cons of flashing people power panties**

**Bella POV**

The day after the 'date' with Edward, I feel like I'm walking on cloud nine. I don't know why but I do know that I feel happier than ever. The day after that I'm up before my alarm and even arrive at work early, although I deny the real reason for that even to myself. The traffic was lighter than usual, I tell myself. I must've gotten ready really, really fast. I was looking forward to seeing Angela, now back to work and fully recovered. But when I leave at the end of the day without having seen Edward even for the tiniest second, the feeling of rejection and disappointment that instantly floods through me tells me what I think I knew all along. And it scares me that he can make me feel like that.

When I get home, I'm miserable. And that misery only intensifies when I go to the freezer for some comfort Ben and Jerry's to find that I have almost no food _at all_. I try to be thankful – because, let's face it, it's much better for me to go and distract myself with grocery shopping than sitting around listening to weepy music, bawling like a baby and scoffing an entire tub of B&Js – but it's pretty hard when I'm finding it difficult to put any effort into anything. Regardless, I make a small list of absolute necessities and decide to wing it with the rest of my purchases. I know this is a bad idea because if I don't meticulously plan what I'm going to buy I end up splurging and us mere receptionists aren't paid half as much as doctors, but whatever. The sooner I make the list and leave, the sooner I can get back and curl up with a pint of ice cream, feel sorry for myself and watch _The Notebook_ which is my favourite movie when I need to cry. Obviously.

So I change into a pair of sweat pants and a hoody which has a questionable stain that looks like baked bean sauce on the sleeve but smells like washing powder so must be clean (at least, that's my logic) and step into my Ugg boots and then I'm gone.

I happen to be in the ice cream aisle towards the end of my shop with a ridiculously full trolley when I bump into Emmett. And I mean literally _bump into_.

"Hey Bell!" he exclaims far too excitedly considering that I just rammed him with my trolley. He's got that annoying smirk that tells me he knows something I'd probably rather he didn't.

I wonder what that could be for a second before it clicks that maybe Edward kisses and tells. Oh God. I feel my cheeks heat and smile shyly, mumbling, "Hi."

Emmett looks at my trolley and raises his eyebrow. "Feeding the five hundred or something?"

"Uh…"

"Just kidding." His pointy elbow jabs me in the rib. His eyebrows furrow and he reaches into my trolley, pulling out a bag of bean sprouts. "What the fuck are these?"

"Bean sprouts," I reply. "A vegetable." I briefly ponder whether that should have been the plural 'vegetables' but I know Emmett wouldn't care either way.

He wrinkles his nose and drops them back in the trolley. "What the hell do you use them for?"

I shrug. "Stir fry? Chinese dishes. Whatever, really."

"Why don't you just get take-out?"

I sigh at Emmett's philosophy. "Because take-out's expensive, and really, _really _bad for you."

"Whatever, it tastes good." Thankfully, he changes the subject. "Have you had a good few days off?" Or not so thankfully.

"Um… yeah. They've been… good." I really hope he doesn't bring Edward up because I certainly don't want to.

Emmett nods. "Cool. Do anything interesting?"

"Nope. Just… you know… sat around at home. Didn't do anything really." I don't know why I'm lying. Perhaps it's the realisation that Edward doesn't kiss and tell. Perhaps it's the realisation that I kind of wanted him to. Or the realisation that I'm stupidly hung up on him and his magical lips. "How about you?"

"The usual. Went round Jasper's with Edward. Played Xbox. Went to Chuck E Cheese. Slept."

I hate how my chest constricts when he says Edward's name. _What is wrong with me?_ For some reason, the name Jasper rings a bell somewhere in my mind as well but I can't quite place it. I know somewhere I've heard that name before and it must be the same person because, really, how many Jaspers do you meet (or hear about) on a daily basis? I ponder it for a second and then shrug it off, thinking Edward must've mentioned him if they're friends, as they seem to be. "Cool," I say, for lack of a better response.

We make a little more small talk before it gets awkward and we part ways. Emmett asks if I'm working the next day and I remember that I'm not which only serves to depress me slightly because I don't know what I'll do to take my mind off Edward for a whole day. It's probably because of being in that state of mind that I buy a ton of ice cream.

I regret both the ice cream and the bean sprouts when my total comes to $137 for food that probably won't even last two weeks. I'm even more irritated with myself when I read the receipt over in my car and find that I bought two family packs of lasagne pasta sheet things. I don't ever have time to make lasagne! And who the hell needs bean sprouts?

So, despite my best efforts to distract myself, a long bath, two episodes of Glee and an entire can of ravioli later, I'm sitting on the couch eating ice cream and crying about how retardedly obsessed with Edward Cullen I am.

It's about then that I realise my life kind of sucks.

**#x#**

Rose calls that evening and catches me at a bad time and I end up regaling her with my predicament about having to distract myself the next day and she says she'll call in sick at her work and come over. I try to protest but she points out that she hates her job (she works in an office as an assistant generally doing really boring admin work or something; she's been doing it for five years, desperate for a promotion her asshole of a boss won't give her though she deserves it way more than Irena did… at least, that's what Rose says) _and_ her boss, plus she has to use up all of her sick days sometime before Christmas which is rapidly approaching. So I give in, not that she had to try very hard to persuade me.

The next day, Rose turns up still in her pyjamas with an armful of DVDs, all of which are old cheesy musicals – with a sing-along option. So we spend the better part of the morning curled together on my couch singing "Climb Every Mountain", "Mamma Mia" and "Every Dream Will Do" in terribly off-key voices but it is hilariously funny. Then we have lunch and Rose gets serious.

"Now, not to be horrifically bitchy or anything," she says, which means she's going to be horrifically bitchy in t minus one second, "but why are you so miserable? It was just the one date, right? And you haven't even seen him since. Why are you so pissed off with the guy?"

"I'm not pissed off with him, per say," I tell her with a mouthful of cheese toasty. "I'm more pissed off with me."

"But why?"

I think about this. I suppose it's plausible that I'm overreacting just a tad. "I don't know. I just… I feel all these things for him that are ridiculous."

"Not if he isn't married, like he says he isn't." The look on Rose's face tells me she still isn't entirely convinced of this fact but she's being really good today and not voicing her opinion that Edward is still a dickwad. Though I'm beginning to wish she _would_ say that just so that I'd realise it myself.

"I just… really like him. And I don't feel like I should. And it scares me. Kind of."

Rose sighs in exasperation. "Look, Bella. We both know I don't really like this guy and I get why you're scared of liking him after the major fuckheads you've dated but if you like him, you like him. Just go with it, it's not a bad thing. Unless he's a bad person and you seem adamant that he's not; and I'm not saying that your judgement's foolproof but it's not _awful_. Plus, not to revert back to the junior high state-of-mind or anything but he _did _kiss you so he probably likes you back."

"That _is_ very junior high," I agree.

"Bella," she whines, "_so_ not the point."

"Okay, okay!" I sigh and throw my hands up in surrender. "What do you suggest?"

Rose sticks her lips out in a thoughtful pout. "Just don't be scared. Go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens, okay? And if you like him for fucks sake ask him out!"

I nod, although we both know that probably won't happen.

"But first, let's go shopping. I'm in need of some good retail therapy so God knows how you're feeling."

"Rooose." I scowl and cross my arms. "I don't like shopping."

"We can go in the little book shop?" she offers, knowing of my love for that shop.

I pull my right brow up to tell her that I'm unconvinced.

"Look, I'll buy you some nice lingerie. Then you can seduce Edward with some epically pretty power panties and everyone will live happily ever after."

I blush furiously. "Rose!"

"Oh, come on. Admit it, power panties rule."

I'm about to deny it but then I remember how it felt when Edward's eyes had lingered on my bare legs, my braless chest… when he had pressed me against the wall, his body a millimetre away from mine. And then I realise how very much I want it to happen again. And how much further I might want it to go. Maybe some power panties wouldn't be too bad after all.

**#x#**

The next day I check the schedule as soon as I get in to see when Edward's working. I'm now incredibly excited about seeing him again, wondering what kind of response I'll get from him. It turned out that Victoria's Secret had a sale on so Rose and I splurged just a little despite my splurge the night before and I now had enough sexy underwear to last me a lifetime and had spent nearly the whole night plotting ways I could perhaps position my underwear so Edward might see it. But it turns out that the plotting was a waste of time really since Edward has an overnight and starts four hours after I finish and will then finish an hour and a half before I start again the next day. The good news is that our shifts cross over two days after that, though, so maybe I'd see him then.

I adjust my underwear so that none of the conspicuous red lace is showing above the tops of my trousers lest Mike Newton is around and get to work.

Unsurprisingly, the day passes slowly even after I get home. In the evening I sit in my living room with my laptop screen displaying a blank email addressed to Edward. I must start a new email about thirty-seven times… okay, _exactly_ thirty-seven times, but delete every single one. I can't help but wonder if it's a tad stalkerish to email him now that we've kind of cut communication ties even though we did share the hottest kiss I've ever experienced.

In the end my laptop dies and I'm kind of glad that it does that before I can make an idiot out of myself. So, thinking it's a sign telling me not to be anymore spaztastic than usual, I go to bed to eliminate the risk of plugging the laptop in and doing something really stupid. I don't get an awful lot of sleep, though.

I go without power panties the next day because I know I won't be needing them, thanks to my mildly obsessive checks of the schedule. I've even recorded when he's working on my BlackBerry. Good Lord, I need to get a life.

An hour into my shift, though, I hear his voice. Had he said anything other than what he did say, I would have questioned my sanity and maybe called Rose in distress to tell her that I'm clearly hallucinating. But he said, "Can I please get the record for a Mr Joe Wilkins ASAP?" which kind of implies that he's real because what kind of dull hallucination would ask a work-related question? If he was a hallucination, he'd probably say something like "Bella, I've missed you so much. Come into the store cupboard with me where we can proceed to make love for the rest of your shift." I know this because such hallucinations have been plaguing me for the past hour.

I blink and realise that if he is real – which, as I've said, he must be – he's waiting for a response. "Uh… sure."

I get up from my chair and go to the filing cabinet, muttering "be still my beating heart" because a) I am clearly a closet nerd to be quoting William Mountfort at random points in time and b) it feels like I've just run a marathon and I can't be dealing with that right now. I glance over my shoulder to see that Edward has his eyes shut. He looks like shit – or as much as like shit as that man can look – and incredibly tired. I wonder if he's been lying awake debating the pros and cons of flashing people power panties as I have been before realising that I'm lacking in sleep and this thought is ridiculous because _of course_ Dr Edward Cullen does not spend his sleepless nights debating the pros and cons of flashing people power panties. He thinks about… well, probably runs through how to do heart transplants and how much money he earns and probably debates with himself as to whether brain surgery is beneficial to the insane. Such as yours truly.

Eventually, I find the file in question and take it to him. I have to clear my throat to get his attention, although now I'm feeling nervous about what he'll say when he realises that I'm… well, me. Considering the last time I saw him I had been holding very tightly on to his shirt and we had just sucked face and all. But he doesn't even look at me.

"Edward?" I ask after a moment. "Are you okay?"

He seems to hesitate but then looks up and my eyes meet green. He has very, very nice eyes.

"Yeah, I'm okay," he replies.

That's it? I push my lips together and nod, feeling stupid that I almost expected him to fawn over me. Stupid Rose and her stupid junior high talk. _He probably likes you back_. Whatever, Rose.

He finishes writing on the form and gives it back, muttering a "Thanks" and then turning to leave.

I'm about to slouch in my seat in utter disappointment when he turns back, comes all the way back to the desk and says my name.

I lift my head and it's like it's pulling my heart up on a string. "Yes?"

The corner of his mouth twitches downwards, almost like a nervous tick, and then he says something really fast and completely inaudible that sounded something like "wood chew girthwid eagen sunshine". It's actually very cute.

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

Edward takes a deep breath. "I just… wondered… would you like to… well you know… like… gofor dinner… again. Maybe."

_What._ I can't speak. Is he asking me out? On a date? _Holy mother of fish paste._

Before I can speak he adds in a rush, "Not that you have you. You really don't have to, it's entirely not compulsory I just thought it might be quite nice because the other night was fun and you know-"

"Like a date?" I cut him off because this still isn't going in.

He nods and I feel like all my Christmases have come at once. I realise this is absolutely moronic. I am acting like a fifteen-year-old with a crush for goodness sake. _Play it cool, Bella_ I tell myself. _Play. It. Cool._

But, once again, before I have the chance to say or do anything to agree to go out with this gorgeous man again he negates everything he just said. "That's fine. Don't worry about it. Just forget I ever said that, I'm so tired and I don't really know what I'm saying. Come to think of it, I was kind of drunk the other night too, so just… disregard everything. You know. It's not… none of it meant anything. Goodbye Bella."

_Um. What just happened?_

**#x#**

"What? Bella, slow down," Rose says. She sounds confused.

I'm on a 'bathroom break'; Edward left ten minutes ago and what he said is just sinking in. Of course the first thing I did was call Rose. "He said none of it meant anything," I wail dramatically down the phone. "None of it! He said… he was drunk and… and…" I'm actually crying now. I know if I was watching myself I'd slap me and tell me to pull myself together. But real-time, distressed me can't tell herself to get it together.

"Bella, Bella, just breathe. Okay? Now speak a bit slower. What happened?"

I swallow. "I saw Edward."

"Mmm hmm, I got that much."

"And he asked me out."

"And the issue here is…?"

"He took it back. He said to forget it all and that all of it – including the other night – meant nothing. Nothing!"

"Bella, a kiss never means nothing."

"Yes it does!" I wail hopelessly. "When I was on the rebound from James and got with that guy Tyler I kissed him and it meant nothing! What if I'm a rebound from his wife? Oh God, I _knew_ he still loved her! I could see it in his eyes. Oh God, even power panties can't change that." I pause. "Oh God," I say again.

Rose sighs. "Bella, no offence or anything, but what the hell is wrong with you? You don't get this worked up over… a _guy_. A book, yes; Glee, yes; a guy? No. That's Alice's job, you know that."

"I know," I say quietly. "I don't know how he does this to me."

"Neither do I, honey, but it's okay. Just hang on for a few hours and I'll come have lunch with you and we can discuss this insanity, okay?"

I sniff, feeling rubbish. "Okay. Thanks Rose."

"Don't mention it. I'm sure you'll return the favour one day."

I promise I will, though I can't see the day that Rose will fall apart over a man, and we go back to work. I manage to push through the morning and lunch comes around fairly quickly. I meet Rose outside and we go to the Deli bar I visited with Emmett and Edward the other week but thankfully Rose distracts me before I can dwell on that. Apparently her asshole boss touched _her_ ass in his office this morning and she isn't at all impressed judging by the way she rants about it throughout lunch and orders a chocolate milkshake rather than the usual glass of mineral water.

She's still in a pissy mood when we go back to the hospital, which I rather enjoy because it takes my mind off of Edward and is downright hilarious because when Rose gets started she doesn't stop. Emmett is clocking out for lunch when I return to clock in and Rose is still talking about her boss.

"…such an absolute prick, he just has _no_ respect for women at all! I mean, who does that?"

Emmett raises an eyebrow at me. "Are you ladies talking about Edward again?"

I scowl because I had been doing a good job at putting Edward out of my mind.

Rose snaps out of her rant and glares at Emmett. "No, although he's another pervert who should be castrated. Don't you pay any attention to any of them, Bells," she says to me. "Men are all sick bastards. We should just go lesbian right now. Me and you."

"Hells yeah!" Emmett interjects because, apparently, he can't tell that Rose is _really_ angry right now. Either that or he has no brain. "You guys would make the hottest couple _ever_."

Rosalie gives him a stare that would rival the ice queen. It's so bad that Emmett actually gets the message and mutters, "Bye Bella," before leaving to get his lunch – probably from Chuck E Cheese.

I giggle as Rose rolls her eyes. "Men," she says, as if her point needs any more driving home.

**#x#**

Thankfully, by the time I get home, I'm being much more realistic about everything. So Edward didn't mean any of it… so what? Am I entirely surprised? No. Well… maybe a little but – no. I'm not. He's just one of those guys who won't settle with anyone, least of all a receptionist like me. I mean, he _did_ settle but it didn't work out so obviously he's probably just going to be a bachelor forever. Or for the foreseeable future, which is okay for him because men are fertile for, well, forever. It is not, however, okay for me because, as a woman, my years are already numbered.

Jesus, I can't believe I'm thinking about this man in terms of procreation. This is how bad I have it. _Had_ it. I don't like the guy anymore. I just… don't have the energy for this kind of drama. Maybe I should just go out with Mike Newton. He's a doctor, too. He's as rich as Edward. He can support me and I can give up receptionist-ing to be a writer and there'll be no repercussions on me. I just… won't have pretty children with Edward's lovely green eyes.

I don't know why I'm thinking like this. A few hours ago all I wanted was a second date. Now suddenly I have this insanely strong desire to bear his children. That's weird, right? I don't even really know the dude. He'd probably be a shit father for all that I know. He's probably had no experience with children and would just drop the baby if we were to have one. He'd be awful.

So, having decided that I am officially over Edward Cullen, I call Alice and Rose in turn and invite them round on Saturday evening – in three days – after I finish work (since I finish fairly early that day) to celebrate being single. Alice is doubtful because she's still pining over the computer tech guy at her work but, really, how great can a computer nerd be anyway? Rose and I tell her he'd break her heart whatever happened because Alice throws herself headfirst into relationships – a bit like what I've stupidly just done with Edward. So eventually she agrees it's a good idea. Me and Rose are just looking forward to getting smashed and eating our weight in ice cream, since she's now worried that her boss won't give her that promotion unless she sleeps with him which she is not going to do because he is a slimy, smelly toad of a man who would probably give her some kind of fungal infection (her words).

Basically, we're all incredibly happy about our respective current situations. Ha.

But, just because I now have something other than Edward's existence to force myself to think about – impending parties equal a lot of planning for me – that doesn't mean I can avoid Edward's actual existence, even if I can avoid thinking about it. Although, I do pride myself on doing a pretty good job the next day, until I check my BlackBerry and realise he's not even working. The next day – Friday – however, he _is_ working. He starts and finishes two hours after me so I'll be lucky _not_ to see him.

For once, I seem to get lucky. I don't see him all day. The thought does cross my mind that maybe he's also actively avoiding me and I get quite upset about that until I take a bathroom break and berate my reflection sergeant-style, wagging my finger and everything. When my subconscious finally caves to my conscious and clears of all pining for Dr Cullen, I'm okay. I think.

I don't know how I feel after I've clocked out and am in the locker room getting my stuff. I don't know whether I'm disappointed or overjoyed that I've somehow managed the miraculous task of avoiding Ed- Dr Cullen. I _do_ know that I miss him which is silly in itself because how can you miss someone you never really knew anyway?

I sigh and try to push these useless thoughts from my mind as I turn to head out. Only there's someone stood by the door, like the evil guy in the horror movies who waits until you notice him to kill you. I jump automatically when he moves, and my hand flies to my chest when I see it's not a person from a horror movie, it's Edward. From the way my heart's reacting, you'd think this was worse than the horror movie guy.

He apologises immediately. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

I can feel my hackles rising – metaphorically, of course – as I become defensive. "It's fine, you didn't," I lie automatically, not wanting to give him any impression of having the power in this exchange. Even though he does. "What do you want?"

He twists his hands together silently. It grates on my nerves and I can't work out why. Maybe because it draws attention to his fingers and I really like his fingers and I really don't _want_ to like his fingers.

When a few minutes have passed and he still hasn't spoken, I can't hold my inner bitch back. "Well?" I snap impatiently.

He almost cowers under my glare and I begin to feel that maybe I _do_ have the power here after all.

"I… um… I just wanted to apologise for what I said the other day. I was really, _really_ tired and I didn't mean it _at all_," he stutters adorably.

For a second I want to hug him as I take in his appearance. He looks almost as rubbish as I do in the midst of all of these confusing feelings; and that's saying something. But I can't want these things. He's just not… right for me. And I haven't forgotten what he said the other day. None of it meant anything. So I shrug. "It's fine, we all say and do things we don't mean. I understand." I smile though now I've reminded myself of how miserable I am and even I know it's a half-hearted, rubbish smile. "See you round, Edward," I say, though this is the last thing I want. I head past him for the exit.

"Wait, Bella."

I don't want to stop but I do. I want to keep going but I can't walk away from him. So I look back at those huge green eyes, which seem full of confusion and sadness.

"Are um… are we still friends?"

I snort with laughter because we both know we were never really friends. He perved on me, I didn't like him, we went out on the weirdest date in history, sucked face a little, and now I'm majorly obsessed with him. I don't think we were ever friends amongst that. And then I realise he's serious. "We were friends?" I question with trepidation.

"Well… yeah." He looks confused, which confuses me.

"Whatever," I say, because I just don't have the energy for this. "Maybe I'll see you tomorrow."

Edward kind of hesitates, but doesn't tell me he's not working tomorrow. Yes, I know, I've memorised when he's working. It's only because I'm avoiding him.

After a moment, Edward starts speaking again and I just want to get out of there before this gets any more awkward, or I get PMS-y and knee him in the balls or something. "Well… do you maybe want to-?" Fortunately, his pager cuts him off and I seize the opportunity to escape.

As I drive home, I wonder if I should get a cat. With green eyes. That way I could have a kind of relationship which would be much easier – and so much less confusing – to maintain while getting to stare into those eyes when I woke up in the morning. I think I could do that without harbouring romantic feelings for the cat. At least, I'm pretty sure.

**#x#**

Saturday evening rolls around pretty fast and I'm so up for this party that Alice and Rose make a big joke saying that I've been abducted and replaced with an actual girl. I didn't say it was a very funny joke.

First of all, naturally we all share stories of woe, constantly drinking to the dickishness of men so between my Edward conundrum, Rose's pervert of a boss and Alice's unrequited 'love' it doesn't take that long for us to get suitably shitfaced. I should probably be more worried considering that it was the last time we were like this that has resulted in this situation but I just can't bring myself to care.

We've eaten far too much ice cream and drunken far too much alcohol to be anywhere close to sober and are all buzzing with pissed-off-ness when Katy Perry's 'Last Friday Night' comes up on shuffle on my iPod. I listen to the opening bars with piqued interest because it was on Glee recently and then I realise what significance this song seems to have for my life right now. Because we all know where I was last Friday night.

When it hits the line "it's a blacked our blur but I'm pretty sure it ruled" I get up and turn it up really loud before yowling the words to the chorus like a cat. Because we are all – as I've already said – entirely drunk, we think it's hilarious, especially when I get up to "dance on tabletops" (as per the song) and yell the line "think we kissed but I forgot" pulling a slutty face to go with it.

Rose has finished laughing her head off and gets up to join me and we both sing the second verse with gutso, screaming "that was such an epic fail" at each other.

As the chorus begins again, there's an annoying knocking noise. I say something to Alice about sorting it out as Rose and I continue dancing our asses off and singing entirely out of tune.

"Bella," I hear Alice say as me and Rose screech the kissing line again. I ignore her. At the line, "skinny dipping in the dark" I rub myself on Rose because – clearly – I have no idea what I'm doing. When we launch into the "this Friday night… do it allll again" I fall to pieces with laughter-cries.

"All again Bells, really?" Rose asks, quirking an eyebrow.

I think of Edward's lips, hair, body… "God," I groan, sounding somewhat like something from an X-rated movie. "I would-" Suddenly the room goes silent. Unfortunately, I do not have the sense to do the same and do not even lower the volume of my voice as I complete my sentence. "-if he wasn't such a gigantic _prick_!"

"Bella!" Alice says urgently.

I sigh, turning to look at her. "_What_, Alice?" And then I see him. Said "gigantic prick" is stood in my open doorway, holding this massive bunch of flowers and staring at me like I'm clinically insane. Which, let's face it, is not entirely beyond the realms of possibility right now.

Fuck my life.

**#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#x#**

**See what I mean about the oddity of this chapter? I thoroughly enjoyed it though, it has to be said.**

**Also, I know I haven't replied to many of the reviews prior to today (if at all :/) but I've got a genuine excuse here in the form that I've been having huge internet problems and it takes an age to load ANYTHING which is driving me batty. Hopefully it's sorted now so I should do much better this time… if you review haha. Although I feel the need to point out that this update was quite fast ;)**

**Now. Breaking Dawn. Don't worry I WON'T spoil it too much but you might not want to read this bit if you haven't seen it yet anyhow. Buuut… how amazing was that movie? The first time I saw it (yes, I've seen it twice already…) I was like 'what was that?' because the second half of the movie was just so shockingly insane and the gore of the birth scene was just… ugh. I don't like scalpels but I couldn't look away. Gross. But the thing that impressed me most with this one was the acting, it has to be said. One thing I did notice seeing all four chronologically at the same time was that Kristen just gets better and better and she was INCREDIBLE in this one 3 Rob also did pissed off Edward sooooo well *wistful sigh* and Taylor's kind of always good but I don't like Jacob so… moot point. But bravo to Bill Condon, not at all what I was expecting after the honeymoon but he's done a fantastic job and this *MIGHT* be the best one yet. I'll have to see it a few more times before I can decide but it was excellent :) I don't think I could pick a favourite bit, but the 'seduction scene' in which Bella basically walks around in lingerie for five minutes certainly deserves a shout-out :L And Charlie. Bless him. LOVE IT!**

**Well… I hope you liked the chapter, and BD, and I'd love it if you'd review. You can review the movie and not the chapter if you like, but your opinion about everything and anything means the world to me. If you have a particularly strong feeling about bean sprouts I'd love to hear it.**

**Oh, and I'll send out a PREVIEW of the next chapter to those reviewers who are SIGNED IN! Because, yeah, I've been good enough to write some of the next chapter ;)**

**Thanks all!**

**-Steph x**


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